indecisive (on hold)

Prologue

She scribbled violently at the paper. Her thoughts becoming letters, smeared across the pages. Her tears were free falling, smudging the letters. Her vision becoming cloudy. This was heart aching. She could hear her heart shattering. She could hear the glass breaking. Her heart was fragile. Too fragile. Incapable of being used properly. She had wanted to protect it for so long. She wanted to keep it hidden, under severe guard. She had never wanted someone to make it work, because she knew they would only break it. She knew the pain that came with love. But, she was too naive to stop herself from falling. She thought maybe she would be spared. But, nothing was ever in her favor.

She was so tired of feeling sorry for herself. She didn't deserve her own self loathing. She hated herself. She hated herself for crying. She hated herself for feeling. She hated herself for believing him. She hated herself for falling in love. She knew the consequences. But, she chose to ignore them. This had happened before, it only had a different outcome. Why did I think this time would be different? It never was.

Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl. She thrust her palms into her forehead repeatedly. You idiot. You fucking idiot. You did this to yourself. She screamed. It wasn't a scream out of fear, but a scream out of pain. Letting all her emotions out. Make the pain stop. Please. Her journal slipped from her lap, as she brought her knees to her chest. She screamed again. Her tears were burning her cheeks. Her lungs were losing air. She couldn't breathe. She didn't deserve to.

She wasn't sorry for herself. She was angry. She was so fucking angry with herself.

"This is infuriating. You did this to yourself. You worthless idiot. How could you let this happen? You deserve this." Her demons reminded her.

She believed them. She did deserve this. She beat her fists into the ground. Her tears were stopping. She was on her hands and knees. Her breathing was uneven and fast, trying to draw in air. Her body was shaking violently. Her hands balled into fists. Her knuckles turned white. Her vision began to blur. Her eyes dotted with red. The ground under her hands began to freeze, covering in frost.

"Liz?"

No! No, no, no! He can't see me like this. She thought. Why is he here? After everything, he should have left by now. What more could he want? She couldn't help but ponder over the question.

"Liz? What are you doing?" His voice thick with, what sounded like, concern.

Liz laughed. It was dry, but it wasn't forced. It was a laugh of pure humor. Like he cared. Her body was shaking with rage. He shouldn't be here. He should be gone. Liz knew he didn't care. All the things he said, he never meant them. She couldn't help but giggle at the memories they shared. They were never real. They meant nothing to her now. She wasn't sad. She was everything but sad.

"What's so funny?" He questioned angrily. "Get up and answer me!"

"You shouldn't be here." She replied coldly. "Get out. Leave me alone. Leave me out of your life. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No." His voice softened. She wasn't looking at him, as he raised her journal, looking at the pages covered in ink. "I said that, but I didn't mean it."

 "No, you said it because you meant it. Now get out. You need to leave now. I'm warning you."

"I don't care. Look at me!" He boomed. His anger reappeared.

"I am warning you. Go away, now." She tried to remain calm and keep her voice steady, but she was about to lose control. Her eyes were becoming littered with red splotches.

"I said, LOOK AT ME!" He screamed.

And that was it.

At this point she no longer cared if he saw her like this. She had nothing left to lose. Her anger was swallowing her like a tsunami, but she wasn't trying to stay afloat anymore. Its time to drown. I'm tired of swimming.

She was not about to be treated like a child. He would regret ever laying eyes on her. He would regret ever talking to her. He would regret ever being in the same city as her. And that pleased her. It pleased her more than he ever could.

She lifted her body from the floor. Keeping her head down, staring at the frost melting on the floor and breathing deeply.

"I warned you."

She smirked to herself. She was too angry to care anymore, but she knew what was coming next. She couldn't contain herself, she needed to smile. Even at a time like this. She was about to be a murderer. She should be allowed to smile during his last moments.

Her head raised. She lifted her lids to reveal blood colored eyes. She watched his expression change. His creased forehead smoothed. His frown raised to form a flat line, then his mouth fell agape. His eyes weren't hard, they were wide, frightened. He stood dumbfounded.

"Liz?" He whispered. "What happe-"

But before he could finish, Liz launched herself at him.

Disclaimer: Okay, Liz's eyes change color with her mood. Her eyes are grey, so that's when she is happy or just feeling normal. Orange for nervousness or sacredness. Blue for sadness. Red for anger. Purple for love and care. Black for numbness.(Numbness and feeling normal are two different things.) When she is upset (anything besides happiness or normalness?) and she touches something, it will freeze, covering in frost and ice. She can fix things, for example heal her body or mend broken things back together. Okay, tell me if y'all are still confused. Enjoy!

-Alli (: