indecisive (on hold)

19.

“Well, you didn’t miss anything.” I lightly laugh to ease him. He moves back to his bed and lays on the top. He still looks unconvinced. He gazes at his hands. He runs his thumb over his knuckles. They are slightly bruised.

“Liz,” he begins quietly. “How did I get these?” He tilts his hand towards me, so I can see.

I feel my heart race faster. My mind goes blank and I can't come up with a lie. I should at least tell him this, right? Yes.

“Harry, you got into a fight.”

His eyes widen and he sits up. “With who?” He sounds panicked and I shake my head.

“I don’t know. I don’t know his name and I didn’t see his face.” I try to read his expression. It’s easy. He is panicking and trying to remember.

“Was it bad?” He almost hesitates to ask, afraid of the answer.

“I didn’t look at his face. You were yelling, then you punched him. Over and over. Then I stopped you and took you up here.” I explain to him. He furrows his brows. It makes me sad that he can’t remember, when he is desperately trying to.

“What was I saying? Or yelling?” He looks at me with confusion.

I furrow my brows and try to remember. He reaches his hand out. His thumb presses to my forehead and smooths out the creases on my skin. I feel my cheeks flood red at his sweet action. He realizes what he just did and his cheeks turn crimson. I smile and he returns one, obviously embarrassed.

“You yelled, “How dare you say that to me. You know nothing.””

His smile vanishes, he frowns. I reach my thumb out and repeat his action, smoothing out the wrinkles and creases on his skin. I visibly see him relax and smile.

“Do you remember what it was about?” I question, “Do you remember why you were mad?”

He shakes his head. I give him a sympathetic look. We stare at each other for awhile.

“Did anything else happen after that?”

My conscious nags me to tell him, but I push her back. “No. I gave you water and you fell asleep.”

He nods and sighs deeply. He flops on his back then sits up again shortly after. He studies my face and my clothes. I haven’t changed from last night. “Why did you stay?” He asks, cocking his head slightly.

My heart skips a beat. “You asked me to.” My voice is a lot quieter than I had intended.

I see him fight back a smile. “And you didn’t deny it?” His accent is thick and full of...hope?

“No, Harry. I didn’t.” I look at the sheets.

He places his thumb and index fingers on the sides of my chin, tilting my head to look at him. “Why?”

His touch is so soft. His eyes are beautifully green, they look almost sad and I don’t understand why. I am so hypnotized by him, I forget he asked me a question. “I didn’t want to leave.” My voice is barely above a whisper.

I didn't. I'd loved spending time with Harry. He made me feel at ease. He made laughing easier and he made smiling effortless. We could be sitting there, just staring at each other, and it would be okay. We didn't need words. We just needed each others company and I needed to stop denying that I wantd him. I wanted him more than anything else in my life and I knew that. It just scared me.

He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. “Liz.” His voice is impossibly quiet. I focus my eyes on his as he speaks again, “I want to kiss you.”

Harry’s POV

“I want to kiss you.” I repeat and I hear her breath hitch in her throat.

 Her lips part. She can’t find her words. She looks panicked. Does she not want to kiss me that bad? My heart drops a little as I continue to study her face. Her eyes are wide. Her cheeks are flushed. My eyes flick to her lips. They are swollen from her sleep. They are beautifully pink. I slowly move my tongue out, wetting my bottom lips slightly, before pulling it between my teeth.

“Liz,” I start, “have you ever been kissed before?” The thought dumbfounds me, but makes me a little happy. The thought of another mans lips on hers makes my heart drop. She opens her mouth, but closes it. Her eyes are roaming all over my face as if the answer is written there.

“No.” She whispers, looking away. Her cheeks heat. She is embarrassed.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” Her possible answer scares me. I turn her head back towards me. Her eyes search my face and I cock my head. We sit in silence for awhile. Her answer is a no. I nod and remove my hand from her face. I look at my shoes embarrassed because I proposed the idea.

“Yes.” I hear her faint voice. My head snaps to look at her. “Yes, Harry. I want you to kiss me.”

She repeats and my heart explodes. I desperately try to contain my smile. Since I met her, I have wanted to feel her mouth on mine. I pull my lip ring between my teeth as I look at her lips. They look so soft. Plump. Untouched.

I place my hand onto her cheek. I run my thumb over her bottom lip. Her breathing increases and her eyes flutter closed at my soft touch. I love the way she responds to me and my touch. I mimic the action with my tongue on my lip. I move my face toward her. This is what I have wanted for so long. It’s so simple and childish even, but I found myself dreaming about her lips many times. I move my face towards hers. Our foreheads press together. I can feel her hot breath puff out onto my lips.

“Open your eyes,” I command softly.

Her lids flicker open and I am met with the familiar grey eyes, I have come to love. Her pupils are dilated. Her iris sparkles and I am so mesmerized I forget I am going to kiss her.  Our legs are pressed together, our top halves turned to face each other. I stare into the beautiful pale grey, I am under her spell. And I am not complaining.

“Harry.” She breathes against my lips. “Kiss me.”

My heart swells at her plea. I have never wanted something so simple, so much. What has this girl done to me? Thank the Lord she gave me mints. I tilt my head and our lips brush. I can’t take this anymore. I press our lips together. I feel the fireworks explode in my stomach. They are just like I had imagined every night laying in bed. So soft. I move my hand to her neck, holding us together. My mouth parts and she follows. They mold together so perfectly. The kiss is soft, nothing is rushed.

I feel time stop. It's like everything is silent and we are the only ones moving. Time stands still and it stands still for us. I take this time to feel the shape of her lips against mine. Our lips slowly pull apart. Our foreheads rest against each other. Her eyes are closed. Her cheeks hold a beautiful shade of pink.  She opens her eyes and they are darker than usual. They are still grey, just tinted darker. We stay in the position for a long while.

“I hope you know I can’t just be your friend after this.” My voice is deep, yet soft.

What I speak is true. This kiss had meaning and I know it did. I could feel it and I know she did too. I can’t remain a friend. I need more. I want more. I want to be able to kiss her whenever I want. Hug her whenever I want. Wake up to her every morning. See her on our bed, a book in her hands. I need this. I want this and I know she wants it too.

Her eyes soften. She looks down. Her voice is a whisper. “I know.”