indecisive (on hold)

31.

Liz's POV

"Home," I repeat as my eyes dance around the modern apartment. The walls are a deep brown, a beige plush couch pushed against the opposite wall. A large TV, in the opposite direction. Harry stands behind me as my feet lead me into various rooms. I turn my head left and see a doorway, but with no door. I walk through it and I end up in the kitchen. The counters are a black granite. They're beautiful. The cabinets are a bright white and the sink is a shiny silver. I look to my right and Harry is sat on a barstool.

"What do you think so far?"

"Was I rich?"

He bursts into laughter and I follow.

"Not that I know of, love"

"Looks like it."

He smiles and I exit the kitchen. I walk to a closet door and find a laundry room. I walk and sit on the couch, needing a break. I don't want to go up the stairs yet. I'm afraid. My room. Will I remember it? Will it bring me back anything? I sigh and look at a lonely vase in the middle of the coffee table. It's plain really, just a clear vase. Nothing inside of it. I furrow my brows and scrunch my eyes. Why does it feel familiar? I shake my head and stand.

I grip the rail and walk up the stairs. It's dark, two gray walls on either side of me as I ascend to the second level. The hallway is dark, but I see four bright white doors. A light above me illuminates and I look down the stairs. Harry gives me a small smile, his hand on the wall to the right of him. The carpet beneath feet is a cream color and I bend down at my knees and rub my hands on it.

"Soft," I mutter quietly.

I stand and approach the first door on the left. I take a deep breath and I open it. It's just a bathroom. I see a the sink and shower, a toilet in between the two. I step inside and I grip the sink, afraid I will fall over.

*Flashback*

"And here you'll find the bathroom. It comes with the shower and everything. Unfortunately it's the only bathroom in the apartment," The man eyes me with fake sorrow.

"That's alright." I give him a small smile. I run my hands through my lions mane. "I live alone."

He nods and I walk inside the bathroom. It's perfect, not too big or too small.

"Across the hall is the master bedroom. Again, it's the only one with a bed. However, the next two rooms can be rearranged to be bedrooms."

"That's fine."

I smile and walk across the hall into the bedroom. The door opens with ease and my heart flutters at the sight of the room in front of me.

*End of Flashback*

Oh my God. I remembered. It's possible. I bite my lip and smile. I turn to the right and look at myself in the mirror. I regret it.

*Flashback*

"Ew. Your hair, it's too big. Why don't you have slick, straight hair like everyone else? Look at your hips, so wide. And your cheeks, so fat. Look at your belly roll. Why don't you have a flat stomach? Why do your thighs touch? Why don't you have a thigh gap like all the pretty girls?"

My eyes begin to water. The demons are back. The demons inside my head, constantly reminding me. I'd never be beautiful.

I let a tear roll down my face before starting the water. I undo my bra and strip off my underwear. I return to the mirror, my worst enemy, next to the voices in my head.