indecisive (on hold)

39.

Song of the Chapter: Unbound by CATHEDRALS

(130 days before)

Liz's POV

The days pass, some easy, some harder than others. Petty fights and arguments, but moments of jokes and silly laughs. The un-comfortableness between us died soon after that night at the bistro- catching up on whatever we had missed, which wasn't much. We went for a walk near the forest, eventually finding our way to the pond. It pulled us in before we even realized where we were going. We sat at the bank and laughed and smiled and he loved and I tried to. I kissed him that night. Unexpectedly and impulsively.

*Flashback*

"I don't live at all when I'm not with you." His low voice sends chills down my spine. My mouth falls open and I turn my head to look at him. His face is beautifully lit by the moonlight and the litter of everlasting stars in the sky; eyes swimming in the galaxies and cheeks blazing like comet tails.

"You didn't..." I trail off, still trying to process what he said. My heart is light and my stomach is warm. I would not mind feeling like this all the time.

"Oh, but I did." His smile is juvenile and mischievous. He pulls his lip ring into his mouth, eyes filled with fire.

"Okay," I smile a devilish smile and I lift my head to gaze into the night sky- the words pouring from my mouth like a Tuesday in the middle of April. "The love that follows us sometime is our trouble, which still we thank as love."

It's silent for a while after the words leave my mouth. I flick my head to look at him and he's gaping at me.

"Harry?"

"I love you."

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks and a shy smile making its way to my face. I let my head fall to his shoulder, inhaling his scent and the aroma of grass and fresh water combining in the most heavenly way.

"Let's head back, yeah?" He says, eyes falling to me slightly.

"Okay."

We stand together and I watch him ruffle his hair. His cheeks are rosy and his lips are parted. I get so lost in watching him I hardly hear him call my name.

"Liz?"

I don't answer him. I can't. I'm too lost. I'm too hypnotized. I'm too mesmerized. I'm too far gone. I step forward and grab his face between my hands. He takes in a sharp breath before placing his hands on my hips and pulling me closer. His lips are soft and warm pressed against mine and I feel the fire burn as it ignites inside of me- my heart the lumber and him the kerosene.

*End of Flashback*

It's Friday. 10:36 p.m. November 22, 2014. Thanksgiving is next week and I'm going to spend it the same way I always have since that...wretched night. It makes my eyes water and it makes my heart heavy just thinking of that day. I still remember everything, every moment, every sound, every cry, and every scream. I still ask myself the same questions over and over. It's as clear as crystal- as clear as the night sky on that fateful night.

Why? Why were they yelling the way that they were? Why did he keep saying my name? Why did she have to cry like that? Why did he blame me? Why did he blame her? Was it my fault? Could I have stopped this? Why? Why? Why?

I was only ten and I always believed that ten was such a cliché age for tragedy. And it was. Now, I was just another story in the book of clichés. I hated it, but then again, I didn't have much of a choice. I didn't have a choice then. I don't have a choice now. We are all trapped in this game of chess where we are constantly told what to do- what play to make next; we are all pawns and reality is the King. I'm tired of playing these games, but I'm stuck. There will never be a "checkmate". It's depressing.