indecisive (on hold)

28.

Songs for the chapter:

Amnesia- 5 Seconds of Summer

Brand New Day- Kodaline

The Cave- Mumford and Sons

Emmylou- Vance Joy

High Hopes- Kodaline

Harry's POV

It was like that for a long while. I was hunched over on her bed, head resting on her body as she comforted me in the ways she used to. It felt good to be in her arms, to feel her familiar touch, the familiar coldness of her hands. However, something was missing in those gentle touches. Her memory. Her memory is gone and that makes everything a million times more heart aching. I remember lifting myself up, her eyes watching me like a caring mother to a small child. We sat in silence for a while, until Louis came in.

"Harry!" I heard his loud voice. He rounded the corner and I stood to stop him from tackling her.

"Louis. Wait, you need to understand some things first." I turned my head back to Liz and she had wide eyes, arms hugging her knees.

"Okay. What's wrong?" His eyes were flicking from her to me, a smile on his face.

"Louis," I start, my voice tired. "She can't hear."

"What?" His smile drops, stepping away from me.

"Her hearing was damaged in the accident." I look at him and he snaps his head to me.

"The accident you caused?" He fires at me and I look at my shoes. I don't think I will ever forgive myself, knowing that Liz cannot remember or hear because she was with me in the car. It should have been me. I know it should have. "What about hearing aids? Or a surgery?"

"She doesn't qualify, yet." I swallow my anger.

"She can't remember either. She lost a lot of her memory." I whisper, my eyes burn and my throat hurts. I don't want to be here anymore, but I don't want to leave her.

 I should've been the one to forget because I know I would fall in love with her all over again and nothing would change. I don't even know if she loved me. Now, I may never know. Maybe forgetting would be easier. She's forgotten so why can't I?

"You're lying to me!" His sudden outburst enrages me, but I try my best keep myself under some control.

"Why would I lie about this?" I yell back into his face. We have grown closer since the accident, but he never fails to infuriate me.  

He looks like he wants to say something to me, but he holds back. I look at Liz and she looks frightened. I sit beside her bed and she grabs my hand. She laces our fingers and I rub my thumb in a circular motion, into her skin.  My heart swells that she finds comfort in me. In someone she doesn't know; someone she doesn't know anymore.

"She remembers you?" He sounds defeated. So am I.

"No."

I hear him move to the other side of the room. He sits next to her and she watches him intently.

"How are we supposed to talk to her?"

I hand him the notepad and pen. As he writes, I notice the features of his face. It's the first time I have actually looked at him, in so many weeks. His eyes look sunken in, dark circles around the rim. His cheek bones are more defined. His lips are pale and chapped. His hair is an unruly mess, and his clothes aren't the same preppy ones I am accustomed to. He looks weak. He looks like he's fading. He looks heart broken.