Outcasts

Depressed much?

Riley.

I'm laying on my back in my room, holding a syringe, full of heroin, listening to heartbreak girl.

Funny how I wasn't what she needed.

I sigh before taking the needle and pressing it into my forearm.

It takes a few minutes for me to get fuzzy.

Why was I sad? My mind keeps asking. I don't know, I'm warm and tingly now...

I bite my lip. Ouch, why is it- oh yeah I pierced it.

I think I'm insane. That's the only possible explanation.

Ohh the ceiling is bumpy- and then my mind goes blank.

I wake up a few hours later and someone's sitting on the end of my bed, my mom.

She looks like she's been crying.

"Mom?" I mumble.

"Dammit Riley! What happened to you! I got a call from your school, you quit hockey, I didn't care that you pierced your lip but then I find this?" She yells holding up the syringe.

"Oh."

"I came in here to tell you I had a date, but I'm canceling," she sighs and I know I've screwed up.

"Mom, don't I swear that's the first time and I won't- I just," I pause, "who're you going out with?" I mumble.

She looks down and my eyes narrow. "Preston Carlisle."

I shake my head. "Well I always wanted a brother."

Now she's gaping at me and I realize the words came out wrong- harsh. "Mom that's not what I meant," I rush to try to explain but she's standing, a hand on her hip and her nostrils flaring.

"Riley Michael Larson, you're father walked out on me 18 years ago, so I am sorry that instead of sleeping around I did what I could to be the best mom I could, I'm sorry that I worked damn hard to pay for all your sports expenses, keep this house, and have a relationship with you."

I know I've messed up bad, because she's angry and she's leaving me.

"You're just like your father."

Those words shake me to my bones.

Levi.

I don't want to be at this party, yet here I am, pipe between my lips as music pulses through me. It's weird, Chevy isn't here.

Austen and Jess are pressed against each other and I wonder how much longer they will last. Because nothing good ever lasts. I sigh, and rise from my spot. I hadn't even dressed up for the party. I was wearing shorts and a hoodie.

So I headed for the door, to go for a run.

As I move I see him. Riley.

His eyes are dark and he's got the ring in his lip and I have to make myself look away so that I don't walk over there and kiss him.

I miss Riley. I never stopped. I was lying to myself to say I didn't care. It was too late though, and he was too much like my burn out father.

My heart might want him, but my mind didn't. He sees me, I can feel his gaze burning into my back as I leave.

And then I'm running. I do it a lot lately. Run from the things I want to forget. Run from Riley. Run from life.