Outcasts

6 feet under

Riley

Never would I have thought that Chastity would be the person who understood what I was feeling, who opened my eyes a little. It's almost been a week since Christmas, and I'm sitting on my bed. Writing my goodbyes, one for my mom, a long one for Austen, one for the team, one for Chastity, for mason,

The hardest one was the one for Levi.

"Dear Levi,

If you're reading this, I'm gone."

It'd taken me a few hours to figure out what to say to her, and now I had figured it out. It was New Year's Eve in the middle of the afternoon. I've delivered all the notes except Levi's. I've decided I'll stick it to her window because all she does anymore is sit there and stare out of it. Austen told me so.

I finally have the courage to get up and walk out of the house. My mom doesn't say a weird to me- that's how it's been lately. It's easy to get to her house, her car isn't there but I know she will be home soon.

I pull her letter out and I stick it in the window crack before disappearing.

Levi.

New Year's Eve is an annoying holiday. I've always thought that. We should live everyday looking forward and not trying to change ourselves- hypocritical I know, considering I changed myself, but that what I believe.

I'd been at Jess Adams family party and was exhausted as I got home. I pulled my hair into a pony tail as I walked through the door. Something was off.

I walked upstairs into the kitchen and there was my brother. Sober. Without a girl attached to his hip.

"Toby?" I asked quietly, not believing my eyes. He turned around and looked at me, the thing was it was like he was seeing me for the first time in years.

"Your hairs blue," he said quietly. "I like it."

I felt tears in my eyes, "Toby what are you doing?" I sniffled, stepping forward. The hardest part of seeing my burn out brother, was never that I was ashamed, it was looking back and remembering when we were younger and close, remembering all the times he'd stuck up for me, given me advice, it was remembering that he wasn't always this way.

And here he was, my brother was standing in front of me, his eyes, which are blue-green like mine but hold onto the blue more often then not, are clear, his face shaved. "Tobias?" I say slowly.

I see tears in his eyes. "It's going to be hard, I know, but dad was here, and him and mom were yelling and I think he's too far gone." He paused, "I realize I've been shit for the last what, 4, 5 years? But you need a big brother, and I'm going to figure my shit out and be here, you're not going to do what I did."

I smile and step forward and before I know it I'm hugging my brother. He's sniffling. "I love you Toby, I always have, if there's one thing you've taught me, it's that life goes on and I've got to keep pushing, even when you were down in that basement, I was never angry with you, because I knew I had to go on," I said quietly, tears spilling over my cheeks. I pulled back and he rubbed away my tears.

"I have to go to some meetings, get a job, but I promise whatever shit lies ahead, we will get through it together."

I nod and turn walking into my room.

I'm not sure what made me look at my window- the odd coolness in my room from the tiny crack, the fact my curtains were open, or maybe I subconsciously saw it.

But before I know what I'm doing I'm moving to the window, and pulling an envelope through.

I thought meeting Riley Larson changed my life, I was never prepared for what happened next.