Relatively Dependent

Relatively Dependent - Part Eight

Blake came barging into my room in this fit of anger and roared, "If you think we're not going to talk about this then you've got another thing coming!"

"Well you clearly know how shit I'm doing so there's nothing to talk about!" I snapped back at him.

"Charlie got a call from the School today, he said that not one, not two, but three of your teachers need to see him!"

"Well," I waved my hands in defeat and sat down on the edge of my bed, "good for him."

"Good for him?"

I knew I shouldn't have said it but it slipped out before I could stop myself. Blake was blistering angry, he was red in the face and looked like he could've had steam shooting out of his ears.

"You told me you were doing okay, you said everything was under control!"

"Of course I'm not doing okay!" I snapped. "You never help me with any of my homework, you're never around, it's not like I've got any parents I can go to for—"

"You've got Charlie, you've got your teachers at School and I know Jamie's a smart kid, you've got a million people that could've helped you but you didn't want that. You chose the easy way out, you'd rather play games and have fun while I bust my ass for nothing! Seriously, why the fuck am I working so hard to put you through School when you don't even give a shit? If this is just a joke to you then how about we switch roles, huh? How about you get a job, you start paying the rent, you look after yourself and I'll go back to School, how does that sound?"

"Good," I shrugged, "fine. I never asked you to do any of this, I never told you to quit School. If that's what you wanna' do then go, no one's stopping you."

"Are you listening to yourself?" Blake snapped.

He was about to rip his hair out in frustration and all it did was make me laugh. Yeah, I laughed at him. I'm a real ass when I wanna' be. I didn't want to accept any of the blame, I didn't want to admit I'd let my brother down, again, so I acted like it was just a big joke.

"That's it," Blake snarled, "give me your phone."

Blake didn't wait for me to hand it over, he grabbed my School bag and started rummaging through it.

"No phone, no games, no T.V and no going over to Jamie's," he said as he turned my bag inside out.

"You're being ridiculous," I said.

I was baiting him, I knew it, he knew it and finally he gave in. He leapt at me, grabbed me by the neck of my shirt and pulled me to my feet.

"You can either shut that smart mouth of yours or I'll shut it for you!" He roared.

With Blake staring down at me his eyes grew darker with this look of rage behind them. It wasn't an empty threat, if I pushed him just that little bit further he'd beat the shit out of me for sure. I swallowed hard and pulled back from him, for the first time in my life I was scared of my brother. After everything we'd been through as kids, after the beatings I'd seen him take from my mother, I didn't think Blake had been left with a violent bone in his body.

Letting my mind wander back to the times when Blake and I were nothing more than punching bags is not something I do very often, if ever. But in that moment, in Blake I saw my mother and it brought me straight back to my childhood. It all came screaming back, every last memory I'd tried to bury and supress all came barrelling out and without warning I spewed my guts out, all over Blake.

He jumped back from me in complete shock at what I'd done, it was an accident, it's not like I forced myself to be sick but he didn't look impressed. I bumbled out an apology as Blake stood there bewildered at my actions. I didn't know what to expect, I started trembling on the inside, like my bones were frozen as I waited for whatever I had coming. The look on Blake's face popped back into my head, his angered gaze sending chills down my spine and I was sure I had a punch coming my way now without a doubt. But he just stood there with his arms stretched out as he looked down at his vomit soaked shirt.

He turned back to me with his mouth hanging open like he was in shock. Again, I breathed out an apology hoping that would somehow fix everything.

"Are you alright?" Blake's tone had changed completely, he was stunned, not upset.

I gave him a nod and found myself stepping back from him, like it was instinct.

"Joel," Blake sighed and turned his gaze back to his shirt.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered, "I didn't mean to."

Nervously I waited for Blake to pull out of his state of shock and react. I didn't know what I had coming, I knew what I deserved but I didn't know what to expect. I remained silent, I didn't dare open my mouth as I watched Blake roll up his shirt and pull it over his head. He bundled it up and sat it down on my desk, still looking like he was in a state of shock.

"Are you mad?" I couldn't wait any longer, I had to know what I had coming.

"No," Blake sighed, "of course I'm not mad. Joel, are you afraid of me?" He looked distraught just at the thought, like he could break down any second.

"N-no, I just," I waved a hand, "I-I'm sorry."

"Come here bud," Blake stepped into me and wrapped his arms around me.

I clenched up, held my breath and trembled as he patted at my back.

"I didn't mean what I said. I'd never hurt you Joel, you know that don't you?"

"Um, y-yeah," I said.

Blake turning around and smacking me one was something I had honestly never imagined happening before, not once, until that day. I don't know why I reacted so badly, I guess it just took me by surprise. I'd pushed Blake's buttons plenty of times before but he'd never once threatened to hit me and he sure as Hell had never looked at me like that before. If things were different, if we didn't grow up the way we did I'd probably have had a completely different response. I might've even dished it back at him. But, seeing what I saw as a kid, seeing the way our Mum behaved, yeah, it's made me the nervous wreck of a person I am today. I've never seen any part of Mum in Blake or myself for that matter until that day, seeing that there was something of her inside Blake, yeah, honestly it did scare the shit out of me.