It's not like me to go looking for someone to confide in but I think without even being aware of it, the only person I wanted to see was Charlie. I could have gone back to Will's and crashed there for a while, he would've been fine with it, but it didn't even occur to me. I didn't need to think twice about where I'd go I just went straight for Charlie's. Guess I like the old bastard more than I care to admit.
When I arrived at Charlie's I didn't have the nerve to face him, not because I was a prick to him earlier, but because it meant I'd have to start accepting reality. Despite the overwhelming need I had to put a whole tonne of beers between me and sobriety, I couldn't even bring myself to knock on his door. I needed to give myself some sort of pep talk first so I sat down on the steps of Charlie's front porch and waited... And waited... And waited for the motivation to strike. But it didn't. I couldn't think straight, couldn't follow from one thought to the next, I was too exhausted to muster up any strength. I folded my arms around my knees, buried my head in my lap and admitted defeat. If it were at all possible, I'd have happily stayed sitting on the porch in the cocoon I'd made for the rest of eternity.
I'm not sure how long I sat there trying to get my head into gear, but it wasn't long before Charlie's stern grip on my shoulder dragged me back into reality. The smell of cigarette smoke came wafting toward me as he sat down by my side and it sent my cravings into overdrive. I'm not really sure when I started needing to get high or blind drunk, but as I started drawing in deep breaths just to catch a whiff of smoke, it became painfully obvious it wasn't a choice anymore.
"Kid," Charlie hugged his arm around my shoulders, "you had me worried."
Having Charlie's arm wrapped around me was uncomfortable, to say the least. Normally, I'd have snapped and thrown it off the second he'd tried to touch me, but I'd been beaten down, wasn't myself, I just didn't have any fight left in me.
"I'm glad you're here," he squeezed my shoulder tight, "been looking for you all day."
He sounded so choked up I could hardly understand him. A quick glance at him was all I needed to see he was still a complete wreck. His eyes had become so red and swollen, looked like he'd been baking in the sun all day and then copped a punch to the face.
I saw Charlie's mouth flap open and closed like he was trying hard to get the words out and the anticipation became too much for me to handle. I didn't wanna' know what he was gunna' say, didn't wanna' hear how worried he'd been about me, didn't wanna' hear another word about what'd happened to Blake. I had to jump in before he could spit anything out.
"Can I bum a smoke?" I asked.
He cleared his throat and gave me a nod. Whenever I've asked for a cigarette in the past he's always been quick to tell me to piss off. He'll go through a pack a day but then he'll turn around and give me a lecture about how bad they are for you. He skipped the speech this time and handed over a crumpled pack of Winfield's that looked like they'd been living in his pants for far too long. I tried to steady my shaky hands as I pulled out a smoke but they were too far gone to manage. It was a struggle to spark a flame from the lighter with my thumb jerking around but after a few clicks I managed it. The first drag is always the best. That feeling as a wave of nicotine floods every cell in your brain, it is so, damn, good. On a day like that when you're completely starved from every other outlet, nicotine can carry you over.
"You eaten today?" Charlie asked with his gaze fixed to my trembling hands.
I breathed out a huff of smoke and said, "Have you?"
Charlie's hand found my shoulder again, "You've gotta' eat something kid," he said.
I'd heard my stomach growl at least half a dozen times since Charlie had sat down. I should've been hungry since I hadn't eaten a thing all day but I just didn't have an appetite.
"You wanna' come in? I'll fix you something to eat," Charlie said.
"You got any beer?" I asked.
"I have beer."
That was all he needed to dangle in front of me to get me moving.
YOU ARE READING
Relatively Dependent
General FictionA story of two brothers who have nothing in life but each other. The story is told through the main character, Joel, as he recalls events from his childhood and how he and his brother, Blake, escaped the nightmare of their Mother's drug fuelled abus...
