I've lost all sense of time, but it's been about a week, maybe two, since we said goodbye to Blake. I've become a permanent fixture here on the couch at Charlie's and his house is suffering for it. My eyes keep watering from the pungent odour of stale beer and the thick haze of smoke hanging in the air. We've both contributed to the apocalyptic state of his house though. Charlie's not coping any better than me, we're both just, existing, that's about it.
I'd like to think of myself as a pretty self-sufficient kinda' person, but the truth is, I'm not. I've always been dependent upon my brother, Blake. The past week without him by my side has made that painfully obvious. I need him. I can't do this half-assed excuse of a life without him. I've said from the beginning that I'm sorry, because I know giving up is a cop out. I know if Blake were still alive he'd never forgive me for this, but that's just it, he's not here.
I miss him more than words can describe. It feels like someone has reached into my chest and ripped out my beating heart. No amount of beers or weed is going to numb the pain. It was hard enough finding a reason to see out another day when my brother was alive, but without him, it's impossible.
This is going to hurt Charlie, I know that. Losing two kids in a week might break him, and I'm sorry about that Charlie, really. I don't mean to hurt you more than you already are, 'cause I can see it's killing you that you're here and he's not. You'd give anything to take his place, I'm sure of that. I know you looked at Blake and saw a son, a champion of a son who you were always so proud of. And I know you're hurting old man, but I can't be the one to help you through this.
This isn't a decision I've made lightly, I've been going back and forward with this one for years. If I'm honest, it's an option I've had on hand since I was a kid, it's always been there. The only reason I kept pushing through was Blake. He gave me hope, he gave me strength, he protected me, Hell, he gave me a second chance at life. Without him, I have nothing. All I want is to be with my brother again, that's all I want.
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Relatively Dependent
Ficción GeneralA story of two brothers who have nothing in life but each other. The story is told through the main character, Joel, as he recalls events from his childhood and how he and his brother, Blake, escaped the nightmare of their Mother's drug fuelled abus...
