Leaving Will's that morning I had no idea what I'd be going home to. I never imagined there would be a time in my life where Blake wasn't around, thought he'd always be here with me. Going home, seeing Charlie, hearing all that, I didn't know how to take it. I wasn't even the slightest bit prepared to face the reality I'd lost my brother. I'm still not. Still too painful to accept.
After I ran out on Charlie I spent the day wandering around in a state of complete and utter shock. I couldn't even tell you where I spent most of the day, I wasn't going anywhere in particular, just walked around for a while. I found myself standing outside the Hospital, I wanted to go in and ask if it were true, if my brother had been brought in, if he was... Dead. But I couldn't bring myself to go in. Instead, I sat down on a bench by the Hospital entrance and gave myself some time to let it all sink in. I thought about what Charlie had said to me, played the conversation over and over again in my head. I started to realise he'd never lie about something like that and he wouldn't have come to me if he wasn't a hundred percent sure first.
Sitting there, like a hermit hiding in its shell, I lost track of time completely. I got stuck in my head and I reckon I'd been sitting there for hours before I snapped out of it. When I became aware of my surroundings I realised the day had slipped away from me. The sun had begun to set, the traffic on the main road sat bumper to bumper and the air had started to cool off. I guessed it was around five or six in the evening, the time of day when I'd usually be pumping drugs or alcohol into my system. My shaking hands told me I'd been sober for too long.
I wanted to go home, start drowning in beer and smoke as much weed as I could handle, but the idea of going home was too painful. I couldn't go back there knowing Blake wasn't gunna' be there. That shit hole of a unit was the first place that ever felt like home to me, it was our place. Our place. The thought of going home, seeing his empty bed, his half-eaten plate of toast on the kitchen counter, his hoodie hanging over the couch, it was too real. If I saw his things like that I might've been able to convince myself he'd just ducked out to buy some smokes and he'd be home any minute. I couldn't put myself through that, not yet, but I needed somewhere to go so I made my way over to Charlie's.
YOU ARE READING
Relatively Dependent
General FictionA story of two brothers who have nothing in life but each other. The story is told through the main character, Joel, as he recalls events from his childhood and how he and his brother, Blake, escaped the nightmare of their Mother's drug fuelled abus...
