Not confiding in Jamie about my past was my choice. Honestly, I was afraid he wouldn't understand, that he'd think I was a freak. I'm sure Jamie has had his problems in life, but did they compare to mine? He didn't have the childhood I had, I didn't think he'd be able to understand what I've been through, so, I chose not to talk to him about any of it. Jamie never did anything that made me think I couldn't confide in him, it was a conclusion I'd made based on nothing, I can see that now. Took me a while to see it was in my head but I got there in the end.
It was weeks after that blowout before Jamie and I spoke again. It should have been me going to Jamie and grovelling for forgiveness but it wasn't, he came to me. If Jamie hadn't come to me to make things right I don't think we'd have ever made it past that first fight. Not because I didn't want things to be different, I knew I'd fucked up and should apologise, but actually admitting that was too hard. I didn't know how to make things right and I went from day to day in a drugged up and drunken haze that time just slipped by.
When Jamie came over weeks later he actually apologised to me, can you believe it? He was all like, I'm sorry I pushed you when you obviously didn't wanna' talk, like I was right to explode at him the way I did. I knew I was in the wrong, I knew Jamie had nothing to apologise for, but he made it so easy for me to get away with it so that's what I did. I never apologised for any of the crap I said to him and he never asked me to.
With Jamie making it so easy for me to get away with being an ass, I became an even bigger asshole. Anytime Jamie'd say something I didn't like I'd go ballistic at him until he'd wind up apologising to me. It's so fucked up to look back on things now and realise how poorly I treated him. I don't even know why he put up with me for, he was just that good a guy, he'd never give up on anyone. He never deserved to be treated so badly by me. I wish I'd said it a long time ago but I'm sorry Jamie, for everything.
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Relatively Dependent
General FictionA story of two brothers who have nothing in life but each other. The story is told through the main character, Joel, as he recalls events from his childhood and how he and his brother, Blake, escaped the nightmare of their Mother's drug fuelled abus...
