I wish it was as easy as waking up one day and deciding you're fine, you're normal, but it's not. I so desperately wanted to pretend nothing had happened and just forget everything again. I tried not to think about it and just pretended I was okay. I got back on with life and fell back into a routine of working and partying, but things weren't the same. I wasn't the same.
Since that party, since I let that memory out of Pandora's box, other stuff started coming back to me. It all started coming back to me. I didn't make a conscious effort to block out the memories from my childhood, think it just kind of happened like a survival instinct that kicked in. All these memories began to surface and its been hard to accept that those things actually happened to me. It didn't all come back to me straight away—I wouldn't be surprised if there are still things buried deep within my mind—but over the course of that year a lot of stuff came back to me.
It wasn't just that one time. It wasn't just that one guy.
A lot of what's come back to me has been memories of this guy, Craig. He was one of a handful of guys that always seemed to be hanging around our home. For the most part, people would only drop by our place either to sell to or buy from Mum. But, every now and then there'd be some drugged up fuck needing a place to crash for a while and as long as they had money to keep buying Mum didn't care.
Craig, I can't really remember a time when he wasn't ever around our house, he was always just kind of there. Guys like Craig, I'm figuring they were dealing for Mum, I mean, I don't know, but for them to have always been around like that I'm guessing that's why.
The first time this asshole came back into my head was at a time when I least expected it. I was at the Supermarket with Jamie and Will, we'd gone in to pick up some supplies before heading out to a party. We were all hyped up for the night ahead and instead of grabbing some chips and soft drink we started fucking around with the deodorants, spraying all the disgusting ones on each other and stuff like that. Will had this red one in his hand, this deodorant called Old Spice, he sprayed it on me and the smell of it sent me reeling. One minute we were fucking around and the next Will's trying to scrape me off the floor of the Supermarket. I hadn't endured a flashback since the night of that party and then suddenly I had this new memory, this new monster came crawling back from my past.
YOU ARE READING
Relatively Dependent
General FictionA story of two brothers who have nothing in life but each other. The story is told through the main character, Joel, as he recalls events from his childhood and how he and his brother, Blake, escaped the nightmare of their Mother's drug fuelled abus...
