Becoming Adamant [#1]

Chapter 34 - 'Special Interest'

The months go by after that…well, they fly by would be more correct. That happens to be going slightly faster than I want it to. The winter has passed and we’re down to the early spring growing on the tree-branches in the District. You can just start to hear the birds singing and the air growing warmer and warmer. We have one of the hottest climates in the nation so you notice it damn well. During spring and summer, people have actually become victims to the heat if they haven’t hydrated well enough. Me and my family though, we don’t have to worry about that. We have good enough shelter and we have a lot of water.

After Finnick and Mags left from the funeral, I still feel a little left out. It’s like I still feel like the house-guest despite the fact that we’re actually living in this house because of me and the fact that I won the Games. Not that I’m proud of winning, but that’s the truth. Oh, and no, the Games still haven’t left my dreams. I’ve learned to sleep through them, but it’s taken a lot of strength…an amount of strength that I’ve never thought that I had. Sometimes I’ve called Mags about it. I feel a little weird talking to her, but at the same time it feels good. It’s not like I can get to Finnick whenever I want to, but Mags, she’s always there. Finnick’s usually busy, but he actually takes the time to call me whenever he finds an open window for it.

As the spring turns warmer and warmer, so does the dreadful Tour. The months have gone by like a blur, and now it’s almost six months since I won the Games. Now I’m supposed to go on this dreadful tour and show off my victory to the rest of the nation, show my gratitude to the Capitol for winning…well, let’s just be clear here: I don’t have an ounce of gratitude in me towards the Capitol. I won, I survived, but that was thanks to me, not them. I was one of their subjects in one of their so many fancy Arenas, but like hell am I gonna give them the credit for what I did. The only thing they get credit for, is making me a person that I’m not!

In a week, I know Dess will show up at my doorstep with Lavio and his fancy designer-team and put me through fashionable hell and then show me in front of cameras and all other Capitol-digits. They all want a piece of the victor after six months. Well, obviously, considering they spend so much time on us. But I don’t want the attention, I don’t them all over my face and house! I know this is how they torment us, I know this is how they keep reminding us, victors, of what we’ve done and that we’re somehow one of them now.

Well, you know what, screw them. Screw all of them! I didn’t freaking ask for any of this! I want to be freaking left alone! Yes, I won the Games, yey for me, now back the hell off! After all they’ve got me coming back every goddamn year from now on, to mentor tributes from my own District. As if any of them is going to stand a damn chance with me a mentor. Sure Blight did a good job with me, but he never told what he actually did. I have no freaking idea as to how to mentor them into surviving the Games.

During this period of time, I really have a hard time finding something constructive to do. I mean, there’s nobody here that I can talk to. The only ones that I actually talk to, live in another District. My parents and my brother…well, they’re not too comfortable talking about the same things that I do, but the thing is though, those are the things that I need to talk about. I need to not be on my own with my head because I have so many demons fighting to tear me up from the inside, and I need help to keep them at a distance.

Rarely do I step out of the Victor’s Village. The only times I do step out of there is when I make my way to the old hideout that I shared with Axel. Sometimes I find shelter from the demons…sometimes I find the strength to face them when I go back home during the evenings. Other times, I make my way to the old house I lived in, which is now abandoned. Sometimes I’m amazed over how I managed to survive in that house compared to the one I have now. But that’s not the reason why I go there though…it’s the sleep. Once I get to the house, I can actually sleep, without nightmares. It’s where the demons don’t get to me and I just sleep.

And then there’s Blight’s house back at the Victor’s Village. I know I’ve already spent too much time in that house when he was alive, but perhaps now I spend even more time in there because even though he’s dead, I still feel like a part of him is still here…sort of. I must be crazy, or haunted or whatever, but I just don’t feel alone in his house, even though I know that I am. I’ll bet Blight is just standing behind me, waiting to scare the crap out of me...a part of me might even hope for that to happen. I guess I’m just desperately hoping for some reason that Blight walks down those steps, but he doesn’t. He never does.

Another reason why I’m always here is because this is usually where I call from. I’d rather not have my family listen to my conversations, mostly because I know they don’t like what I talk about. Now I’m sitting in that empty house, on the chair where I sat when Blight was about to die, like for real. And then the phone rings. I swear I almost jump out of the chair as I hear the brutality of the phone ringing its ears off! I can feel my heart pound like hell as I calm myself down and walk over to the phone. I’m not sure what to expect though. I haven’t made any appointments with Mags or Finnick. Who could it be?

“Blight’s house…” I answer. “Well, well, Ms. Mason, they told you’d be reachable here.” I can never stop to get the chills as I hear that voice. It’s him. It’s freaking him! Oh, God, I gotta fight to keep myself under control here. “President Snow…I’m not supposed to be surprised of you calling, am I?” I ask rather careless as I really can’t stand this poor excuse of a man. “I simply want to send my deepest condolences regarding your mentor, Ms. Mason. It must be hard to go on without him.” He says. “You’re five months late for that, President Snow. And as to the other part, I’m fine.” I simply say. I will not give him the satisfaction of being vulnerable.

Probably it hasn’t been my smartest move to answer back like that as the silence comes from his part. He doesn’t say a word, I don’t say a word. He’s probably just waiting for me to deliver another verbal blow at him so he can kill off my family. “You sure are like the girl in the Arena, Ms. Mason. You’re a very interesting character…I suppose, the men in the Capitol can find you interesting in other ways as well…” He says. Okay, right there, I can’t keep my calm. I’m gulping loudly as I hear him say that last part. “Is that so?” I try to seem confident, but I fail miserably. “You know what I mean, Ms. Mason. If there’s one thing obvious about you, it is that you’re not stupid…well, at least not as stupid as you pretend to be.” He then says. I take a moment before I manage to say anything. “Fine, you got me.” I admit.

“I suggest you give the idea some thought when you’re on tour, Ms. Mason. I’m sure you’ll be having a nice trip through the Districts. I suppose that should give you more than enough time to come up with a reasonable answer when you reach the Capitol.” He says as I sense he’s ready end the call. Thank God, for that! I have an appointment with the bathroom as soon as this call ends. “I believe that’s more than enough time, President Snow. Thank you for your generosity.” I answer as I push on the last word. I hear him laugh slightly on the other end. Even more creepy, if I might add it. “Until then, Ms. Mason…” He says as he hangs up.

Like I just told you, the first thing I do after the call ends, is run into the bathroom as I feel my insides are about to make an appearance. I manage just to get to the toilet before all hell breaks loose. Everything I ate this morning comes right back up. Ew…to say the least. I sit on my knees in front of the toilet as I catch my breath again. He’s asking me to do it! He’s asking me to sell my freaking my body to the Capitol! Nah-ah, no way in hell am I going to sell myself to those greedy bastards! What’s next? My soul?!

As I sense the danger has passed, I flush the toilet and sit down on the floor of Blight’s bathroom as I stare at the window in front of me. My body is still shaking and I’m so damn uneasy still. It’s like my body’s almost threatening to bring up another meal the wrong way up the system. I look at my hands and I see they’re shaking badly…my entire body is shaking badly! It is in fact a very natural reaction when the President’s asking you to please men, in the Capitol…to sell your body to strangers. Well, excuse me if this sounds a little creepy, but if you were me, you’d be freaking out as well! You become…I don’t know: shaken, unnerved…uncomfortable?

Well, yeah, definitely all of the above.

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A/N: So this is the last EDITED chapter of B.A. I have more chapters beyond this point, but I'll have to write and edit them so for now, there's a little break in the publishing ;)