Becoming Adamant [#1]

Chapter 40 - The Reflection

I’m stuck in that room for over half an hour as the words Finnick spoke to me are still landing inside my head. At this point I feel too numb to actually move. I know that President Snow is expecting me to give him some sort of answer and it should be simple, right? I mean, two people have already warned me against being a smartass. They’ve both told me to do the same thing: do whatever it takes to protect my family. And believe me when I say, I do want to protect my family, more than anything! But doing this?! I can’t I…actually there’s a bigger part of me that just won’t! I didn’t ask for this…I didn’t freaking ask for any of this! Why can’t they just take the bloody hint for crying out loud?!

Of course they’re not gonna do that. Stupid, Mason, do you really think they’re ever gonna take the damn hint? They’re bunch of brainless people. They’re never gonna understand the simple things such as: Leave. Me. Alone. Because the truth is: they’re never gonna let you forget any of this! They’re never gonna let you forget what you did to get here! And now, Snow is asking me to do….this! I can’t even say the damn words anymore. Finnick and Dess have basically begged me to do it though! They’ve warned me and now they’re begging me to do it, as if saying: suck it up. Well, like hell am I gonna ‘suck it up’ if it leads to that. Especially Dess should know this!

The impact of the conversation is still weighing heavily over me, but I can’t stay here anymore. I’ve given Finnick more than enough time to disappear in the crowd. It’s time that I make my final appearance before I go home. People can say whatever the hell they want because they don’t mean shit to me. I just need to get out of here. I need to get back to my remote District 7 and be left alone until the next Games. Of course, not even then are they gonna leave me alone. They’ll have to follow my tributes extra because I won the Games last! Luckily, I’m not in the spotlight though…that way at least, I’m left a little alone at least.

I walk down the steps and now people are starting to look at me, point at me…the women around me have this special way of looking my way as if they want to ask me a certain question. Yuck! I’m not gonna enter that world! It’s so freaking disgusting to even think about, and I’ve been forced to at this point! Snow has made me think about it and I just can’t! I know he wants an answer from me, but I guess it’s always lead to this…the part where I say no? I guess he already knows because he hasn’t even asked me for my presence. If he knows me as well as he claims to, he already knows my answer.

As I get out of the Palace, I get to the patio where all the guests have almost cleared off from, but of course, I find my prep-team and Mr. Dess! “Well, well, did you enjoy Mr. Odair’s company? I’ve heard many compliments regarding his…talents.” I hear one of the designers in the prep-team mention. Okay, right there, I’m about to puke my insides at them! Thank you very freaking much for planting that image in my head, jackasses! But then again, I’ve got to keep my poker-face on here, not just for me, but also for Finnick.

“I’ll have to admit, it was quite…educational…” I simply say leaving the sentence hanging. I’m betting they’re confused by the word education. Hah, I’ll be willing to bet that they haven’t even heard of it! The designers seem to be mulling it over, but as I look over at Dess, I can tell that he knows nothing really happened. Come to think of it, he might even have been the one to get Finnick to talk to me. Sadly for him, it hasn’t worked.

“So I take it you two talked…” Dess then says to me as the designers have left the two of us more or less to ourselves. I look up at him. “Let me guess: you asked him to talk to me, didn’t you?” I then answer as I don’t see him trying to defend himself. That’s usually how I know when I’m right and here’s it’s no exception. “I thought maybe he could get you to actually listen. I know I stand no chance in trying to convince you so I was hoping that Finnick did or could.” James admits. “Well, you both failed at that, I’m afraid. Whatever answer I have for Snow, was made the moment the ‘offer’ was presented to me. I can’t become something I’m not. You know, I do what I do and that’s it.” I then say to him. I see him shaking his head. “Yeah, that’s what you usually do…” He simply says.