The Book I'll Never Write

Chapter: The One Where I Still Smile

I was Informed by my mother the other day, that as a child, I was always the happiest and most outgoing kid. I would just burst into song at random moments, and was so unapologetically happy. She told me people around would always smile, like I was captivating.

However, it is ironic to note, that I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 12 years old. I barely had enough energy to speak, and yet, I still smiled and pretended to be okay. And to a point, I think It fooled everyone. I've always been bubbly and happy, so I felt like I had to live up to that pre-conceived image of myself that people created. Which is really hard to do. In a world full of people making labels and fitting into boxes, it gets frustrating when all the labels and boxes don't quite match. That's how I've always felt: Not Quite Right. Like, I never really had a "group". I was the leftover. And I still feel like that a lot honestly, but I think that right now, I have the closest group of friends I could have hoped for. I'm honestly happier than I've ever been, and I really do have wonderful friends who mean the world to me.

But still, It's odd to think that in a world full of cynicism, the happiness of a child can make people happy. And I am on a personal quest to make the world a little bit better, even if it's hard. I want to be the kind of person people think about at random moments. The kind of girl you see in the hallway or in an aisle at a grocery store, and normally you'd never pay attention to, but for some reason I glow. I want to be known for being happy and kind. And really, that's all I could ever hope to be.

You see, the interesting thing about my life is that even when I honestly wanted to die, I still found a way to put on a smile. And even when I had nobody rooting for me, nobody on my side, I still backed up my friends. Even if they didn't realize they needed me, without me they would have been much worse off. I settled disputes, I solved problems, I was the one they came to when they needed someone. And I think that makes me kind of special. Because I wouldn't turn them down, ever. I always try to help people who need it, and I'll try my hardest to continue helping people.

The world isn't a bad place, it's the people in it who destroy and damage it. But, People aren't inherently evil either. You are born with freedom and happiness and love, society is what changes you into a cruel, ruthless monster called a Human. A person is a wonderful creature, but humans as a race are monsters capable of the greatest evils.