If I can't have you nobody can and it's sequel Project Survival

(3) If I can't have you nobody can

If I can't have you nobody can

Chapter 3

I really shouldn't have asked my mom that question. She spent the next hour going on about how I should respect my femininity by wearing dresses and high heels as well as giving me a lesson on how to apply my make up and do my hair. It was the longest hour of my life! When she was done and finally allowed me to leave I was so irritated it felt like I could kill somebody.

I spent the rest of the day in my room because I was too afraid that my mom was going to give me another lecture about life and how I should live mine if she saw me. I ate a chocolate bar for lunch and tried finding some more info on my dad's company before going over to Jeremy's house.

Jeremy lived a few minutes away from me and as I made my way over to his place I could feel my tummy knotting from anxiety. I've done a lot of crazy things in my life but none as serious as what I was about to do. If we get caught we are going to be in some serious trouble.

I parked my car in the driveway and ran up to the front door, Jeremy opened it before I had a chance to ring the bell.  

"I almost thought you chickened ou,t" he said with a smirk on his face.  

"Who me? I think you know me better then that," I replied walking past him and into the living room. He locked the door behind us and walked over to where I was standing.  

"No hello hugs anymore?" Jeremy asked grinning at me but I could see he was trying to hide his true feelings beneath the act. I felt a pang of guilt shoot through me, I've always been really close to Jeremy but he seems to want a bit more from our relationship then me. I've been trying to avoid all physical contact with him because I really didn't want to give him any false hope, I just don't see him in that way.

"Sorry, must be the nerves," I apologized hoping he would believe my excuse.  

"Yea... this is a big one," he replied stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me. Whenever he held me like that I felt safe and warm, I know I can always count on him for anything.

I pulled out of the hug and smiled up at him.  

"Thanks for doing this," I said looking into his eyes.  

"You know I'll do anything for you," he replied but instead of his usual smirk he had a serious expression on his face almost making me reconsider the whole thing. I didn't want Jeremy to get into any trouble because of me, he meant too much to me.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this," I said taking a step back.  

"No way! This is going to be awesome," he half yelled sounding like himself again.  

"I don't know what if we get caught?" I questioned hesitantly.  

"We won't, now come on," Jeremy said as he headed upstairs. I followed him to his room and sat down on his bed. I've spent half of my life in his room but this is the first time that I've ever felt uncomfortable. I've always known that Jeremy likes me but his been throwing it in my face a lot making me feel awkward around him.

Maybe I am attracted to him and I just don't know it. Is that even possible? I mean I should know if I'm attracted to somebody or not, shouldn't I? Jeremy always claims that I'm in love with him but that I'm too stubborn to admit it to myself.

"What's wrong Kaiden?" Jeremy asked concerned.  

"Oh... nothing," I lied focusing my attention on him. I must have spaced off for a minute there.  

"Don't lie to me, you know I can see right through you," he said still looking serious. I considered telling him that it was just my nerves but then decided against it. I'm going to be completely honest and up front with him because I can't stand this awkwardness I've been feeling between the two of us lately anymore.

"You obviously like me a lot Jeremy, and you've been making it very clear by the way you've been acting and the things you've been saying lately," I stated wanting to get my feelings out in the open.  

"No, you're wrong," he replied looking at me sadly.  

"Oh...ok, that's good," I said feeling like a complete idiot.  

"I don't just like you Kaiden, I'm in love with you," he stated taking another step closer to me.  

"You, you... love me?" I stuttered not believing what I was hearing. I knew he cared about me and I knew he had some kind of crush on me but I didn't expect this.  

"Yes," Jeremy said sitting down next to me and taking my hand in his. I considered pulling away but wasn't sure what to do so I just let him hold my hand.

"Ok, just give me a second to think about this," I said smiling weekly at him. He smiled back making me realize that I like making him happy. I sat there for a minute or two thinking about all my options and how to handle the situation until I came up with an idea. I wasn't sure if it's the best idea I've ever had but I had to do or say something and this is all I could come up with.

"I care about you Jeremy and I... I love you too but I'm not sure if I love you in that way. Maybe it's because I've never been in love before and I wouldn't know the feeling if it stared me right in the face or maybe it's because I just don't feel like that about you but I'm not sure," I stated hoping I don't sound like a crazy person.  

"What exactly does that mean?" Jeremy questioned looking confused.  

"It means that you have to kiss me so that I can figure out how I really feel," I answered blushing.  

"You want me to kiss you?" He questioned looking puzzled but happy.  

"Yes but on one condition."

"What's the condition?"  

"If you kiss me and I enjoy it or still feel confused afterwards we can give it a shot but if I feel nothing then we must forget this ever happened and you have to promise to stay my friend no matter what."  

"Ok, you've got yourself a deal. Now can I kiss you?" Jeremy asked with a sparkle in his eyes.  

"Yes." I answered still not quite sure of what I was doing.  

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to do this," he whispered as he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against mine.