Continuous Sinner. {COMPLETED.}

|| 002 - Realisation ||

"Oh Ely, love. Not again." My 'mother' sighed, stopping dead in her tracks to come face to face with another gaping hole in my wall, and another bloody hand to attend to. Once again, no pain registering. It was a good thing she was kind hearted. She always felt sorry for me, no matter what I did. Although, at times I did feel a little patronised. And you should you know by now who I'm blaming that on.

I huffed, bouncing up from the edge of my naked bed, taking my time to look into her eyes. I noticed that I just couldn't pull myself together to call her Mum. Or Kenneth, Dad. Those words just appeared blank in my mind. But, that didn't stop me from admitting that they had sacrificed a lot for my selfish heart.

"Sorry. I'll help you patch it up...again." I muttered 'again' at the end of my sentence which made her chuckle softly and quickly, soon pulling me away from my ransacked hideout.

"Aren't we gonna sort my room out?" I asked, puzzled as she had now led me all the way to the living room, plonking me down to fetch two cups of tea she had just brewed. I was deliberately facing the sacred picture of Our Lady. Maria began to recite the Lord's Prayer whilst grasping both of my crimson hands. I rolled my eyes, completely ignorant to her attempts to cure me. That was never going to work. Or at least I had to dig the tunnel of hope myself. I need to find those little wastes of sp- I mean, troubled youths as soon as. That's all my head was travelling towards, none of my 'mother's' techniques to cleanse my soul. I just played along as she prepared herself for another powwow of faith.

"Ely, my dear. I need to take you to confession."

"Huh?" I replied bluntly, trying my absolute
best to channel my frantic breathing.

"These hormones are getting to you too much."

I was almost at my limit, wanting to scream at the top of my powerful lungs. IT ISN'T HORMONES YOU DELUDED WOMAN! Keep it on the down low, E, for Christ sake. I stood up like a shot, shaking my head and striding back upstairs. I could see that my veins were bulging out, through my arms, crawling up my neck. I needed to remove myself from this scenario before I completely obliterated the whole house.

"Listen, I really don't. It's fine. I just need to sort my head out. Please just let me do that, okay?" I informed, flicking my back towards her before she became stunned at my terrifying transformation. As always, she was quick to follow.

"But Ely! You nee-"

"DON'T FOLLOW ME, WOMAN!" I bellowed from the freshly hoovered carpeted stairs. I cursed under my breath, slamming my bedroom door shut, immediately bashing my head against the birch wooden door, again and again and again, until there was a mighty crackle, which made me stop my foolish actions and examine the clear large slit broken into the door. Yes, my actions were foolish in the public eye but did I personally think they were foolish? Hell no!! I believed that all my actions had logical reason and explanation. You normal people wouldn't understand.

Maria didn't bother marching up the stairs to talk some "sense" into me. My ears wouldn't be opened to anyone anyway. She knew when to back off, and so did Kenneth. He was always spending his days wrapped in the arms of his occupation of finance, a well respected accountant.

But what did I care about his fancy job? How did that benefit me? I didn't eat very much, I didn't bother getting new clothes. In my eyes, I genuinely felt a bucketload of helpfulness towards good ol' Kenny Charnock. I was doing him a favour, letting him splash the cash on his wife, instead. She needed it to be honest with you, the state of her hair. That dough needed to be spent on a new do, for sure. I mean, you should've seen that hideous perm. This isn't the nineteen eighties, chick.

ELY! You need to urgently stop this attitude towards people! No wonder you dropped out of school. You're a mess, kid. You could tell I never listened to this side of my conscience before. Why? Because it didn't exist! The amount of a rush that I experienced when I saw that some people in this corrupted world of ours in the news, carrying out my 'gift'. My deluded brain thought that it was only the true heroes of this earth who created war, conflict, disagreement. I'm not going to lie to you. It does give me a bit of a buzz. But can you blame me? I was made this way!.......unfortunately.

I had always let this side of me conquer and reign. Even though that bizarre determination still remained and never deteriorated from my sick persona. It was agonising how I could just switch personalities. Every time I kept acting up like that, that small thought I had about sorting my toxic mania out and getting rid of it once and for all, grew and grew, creating a battle between Wrath and Patience. I couldn't keep procrastinating anymore. This thought was becoming to powerful to avoid. Pull yourself together, boy.

Your time's up.