Hugs (Connor/deaf!Evan)

If only I were a cat

Connor grabbed Evans hand and looked him in the eyes. Evan startled a bit before glancing at his hand and giving Connor a questioning raise of his eyebrows. Connor had grabbed Evans hand for 2 reasons; he got to hold Evans hand and it grabbed his attention. They stared intently at each other for a bit until Connor let go and cleared his throat. He didn't know why he did it considering he wasn't going to be using his voice at all. It just felt like the natural thing to do. Connor let go of Evans hadn finally and began to sign. The words just flowed out his hands naturally as if he had been waiting his entire life to be able to say them to him.

"Evan Hansen. You make me happy. You make me so happy i think im shooting rainbows out of my ass half the time. I like you Evan. God i like you alot. I want to take you out on a date if that is alright with you?" Connor asked. He was so fuckign nervous. You're going to screw this up. You're going to screw this up. You're going screw this up. His mind repeated it over and over in his head like a fucking holy prayer.

He finally looked at Evan. He hadn't looked before worried he would see the face or anger, or maybe even disgust. Evan was no of those. He looked happy. No. happy didnt even begin to describe the look on his face. It was like he was glowing, and he was faintly reddining but it was a happy red. Just looking at Evan made Connor feel more happy.

Evan very swiftly kissed Connor on the cheek. Connor had been so immersed in his thoughts he almost completely missed it. Evan however, was now blushing that signature blush of his and signing yes. Over and over and over again. Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. Connor swung his arms up and pulled Evan into a gigantic bear hug. He felt like he might cry again. Today was perfect. Today was amazing. Today he had his Evan. All his.

---------------------------------------------------

Connor and Evan had to eventually split up once Connor remembered he had parent who thought he was still in a coma and at the hospital. Connor told Heidi he was just going to walk home because he was only a little ways away but she refused, telling him he should stay off his feet. He just got out of a 5 day coma after all. Connor had rolled his eyes but greatly accepted he was feeling a bit light headed after all.

In the short car ride there Connor had learned that, yes in fact his parents knew he was awake, and that she was happy for Connor and her son. Apparently she had been watching their conversation on the couch from the kitchen. She is very nosy for being so nice. Conor thought to himself, he knew she only had Evans best interests in mind. Unlike his own family.

They pulled up to Connors gloomy looking house. Heidi gave hima worried look, almost as if she knew what really went on in there and felt the chill seeping it way into Connors bones. She gave his hand a worried squeeze and said " call me if you're not feeling ok or need anything. I'm always here if you need me" Connor nodded. He had too much of a lump in his throat to really do anything else. He squeezed her hand back and hopped out of the car.

Connor was a bit startled when he heard a meow coming from the door. Zoes fat cat Zelda was sitting on the porch. It looked up at Connor expectantly almost as if it was saying "let me in you fucking peasant" Connor was very familiar with that look. He had seen it in his sisters face many times. Connor rolled his eyes and nugged the thing with his foot a bit. It just rolled to his side like it was a ballon or something. Connor still surprised how long that cat had managed to last with how much zoe overfed him. Zelda was like a dog, always looking for scraps.

Zelda let out a low "meoow" again.

"Alright, alright. I'll let you in you fat bitch." Connor whispered under his breath. He was about to open the door when for the second time that day someone beat him too it. Only this time it was not Evan and Connor was not happy.

"MOM, DAD, CONNORS HOME" Zoe hollered into the house. She turned back to look at him and gave him a pinched smile. "Good to see you alive and well" she said, lying. Connor rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Don't lie to me bitch" He said. She just snarled and glared like she always did. When they were kids she loved him like a normal person, but Connor had turned into such an ass when he was high that she learned to put up with him through her attitude. After he told his family he had gone clean and planned to stay that way she had come up to him and confronted him, saying she didn't believe his "little lie" and that she could see through him.

"It was a lot quieter without you." she said. Connor scoffed and let himself into the house. Connor took off his shoes and tugged on the zipper of his black hoodie, pulling it off. He hung it on the small neat coat rack next to his mom and dads coats. Connor was more or less just preparing for what was to come.

Zelda walked in after him, rubbing up onto his leg in thanks. Why can't I be a cat? Connor asked himself. Their lives were so much easier. It was just eat, sleep, and be lazy. If he was a cat he wouldn't have to face his nagging parents. He would just walk on past and into a nice corner for a nap. If only I were a cat. Connor sighed.

"CONNOR!" His mom exclaimed. His dad was close to follow, but not saying anything. His mom swallowed him up in a big bear hug. He seemed to be getting a lot of those today. Hers wasn't the same as Evans but it still felt nice to be noticed for once.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, obviously worried.

"Im fine. Sorry to worry you, everything is going to be ok." Connor said, waving his hand up to pat the back of her head. "Everything is ok" he repeated. Trying to reassure himself of the same thing.

Connor caught his dad's gaze over his shoulder. His eyes glaring into his soul almost as if he could smell the scent of Evan on his clothes. His dad just nodded at him in greeting, because god forbid him to show a little emotion for once.

Connors mom unlatched herself from his body and asked if he needed any tea or anything. "Im good mom, thanks. Im feeling a bit tired. Is it alright if I head to bed?" he asked with hopeful eyes. It wasn't really a lie. He was really tired from all the excitement, bu Connor also just wanted to get away from his worrying mom. She scared him a bit.

Her eyes drooped a bit and she looked disappointed. Connor's mom gave a short nod. That was all it took. Connor walked towards the stairs. Past his dad's watchful eyes, and up into his room. Where he passed out. His dreams were filled with Evan Hansen and happiness, which is more than he had ever asked for.

A/N: I know its crazy. 2 chapters in 1 day!! You are welcome. Do you guys like my weird ass chapter names? I feel like they keep evolving, but in a way where they're just getting worse. Like I'm moving deeper into wonderland or some shit like that. Anyways, hope you enjoy. As always I have no clue what I'm doing, but I love you. Feel free to comment AND CHECK OUT OUR OTHER BOOK "OOH" ITS A REAL PAGE TURNER

Guys when you comment and vote I'm inspired to write more! I'm going through some stuff right now and writing really is helping. Always leave a comment!!