When It's Time

Chapter Seventeen

Play rehearsal had been especially challenging today and Jeremy was feeling exhausted as he waved goodbye to Rich who had dropped him off at Michael's house. Icy rain was pouring down but that was the least of his worries. Things had been hard for Jeremy lately; his grades were starting to go down the drain, the SQUIP was bothering him almost as frequently as the weight of his guilt for buying it in the first place, his father's business was struggling and he had been shutting himself off from his friends again.

His relationship with Michael had been going pretty good. If there was one thing that kept him sain on his bad days it was always his boyfriend. He actually blamed his bad grades on the regular sex. Apart from this he still loved Michael deeply but felt something had happened to their previously impeccable communication skills despite the fact that they were rarely apart.

On top of all this Dustin Kropp had smiled at him today. Now, on the outside Jeremy may seem like an innocent and loving individual but in reality, he had a long list of people who he hated but for whom he would never express his distaste for fear of social rejection. Dustin was on this list. While Michael was good friends with the guy, Jeremy knew that his soul aim was to sell as much weed to people as was physically possible. Michael's attachment to Dustin always seemed like more than friendship and Jeremy couldn't help but wonder what he knew about them and what Michael had told him while Jeremy had the SQUIP. He did know that Michael had started smoking a lot more while they hadn't been speaking as a way to deal with his anxiety but he'd stopped now. Maybe he would always be jealous of Michael's apparent romantic attraction to his dealer. It probably just came from depending on Dustin during a time of hardship and confiding in him about his source of sorrow but Jeremy felt very strongly that Dustin was not looking for a genuine friendship, he just wanted to make a profit. Michael and Dustin kept in touch since he stopped buying but whenever the latter had seen Jeremy in the hallway he would glare at him because he knew that Jeremy had convinced Michael to quit. What had prompted this sudden turn around and resulted in Dustin smiling today well, Jeremy could only hypothesise that he'd gotten his client back.

Jeremy shivered upon entering the house. He was tired and cold and needed a warm shower. He locked the front door and made his way to the basement. The door was closed which wasn't all too strange but when Jeremy opened it he could see why. He coughed and covered his mouth with his cardigan. He peered through the smoke to see Michael was curled up in a pile of blankets on Jeremy's beanbag. He must have started smoking as soon as he got home because he didn't look high at the moment. Jeremy felt a surge of anger. He didn't have time for this.

"How was rehearsal?"

Nope. He definitely wasn't high.

"What the fuck Michael? I come in here after a long day, there is smoke everywhere, you look like shit, the place is a mess and you ask me how rehearsal was? You told me you quit months ago."

Michael sat up, indeed he did look very dishevelled and his eyes were a little red, "Well, I did quit but I was talking to Dustin today an-"

"I don't want to hear about bloody Dustin, he can go fuck himself!" He spat.

"Now, I think you're being a little harsh." Michael frowned, "Are you okay?"

"Jeeze Michael do I seem okay to you?" Jeremy took a step forward, "could you possibly conceive that I'm having a rough time? Oh, look everyone, it's the guy who single handily ruined his perfectly good life so he could be someone he wasn't, causing catastrophe everywhere he goes because he's so dam unlucky but he's fine now, yeah, he's all good. In case you hadn't noticed Michael, weed can't solve everything!"

Michael stood up, running a hand through his hair as he did so, "Look, Jeremy I know it feels like that but trust me-"

"No, no Michael, you don't know. That's the thing, you don't know how it feels. You complain all the time about things being difficult and you're so scared about being left alone, and I get that, but how do you think it is for me? I did that to you, it was my fault."

"Jer, can we not do this now. My head hurts."

"Does it Michael?" He was virtually yelling now, "Well I wonder why. You don't fucking look after yourself, that's why! You're too caught up in your little world to realise what's going on. I struggle through every day knowing that you might not be okay that day, that you might be upset about something or need help. And it hurts. It hurts so much when you get upset because it's my fault. You don't know how that feels and it's tearing me apart."

Michael glared at him, "You don't think I go through the same thing? You don't think I blame everything on me as well? Well newsflash, my communication skills are shitty so every time you talk about feeling upset it's always my fault for not asking about it first."

Jeremy shook his head, "This just, urgh, this," He gestured to him and Michael and the space in between them, "isn't working. You know what? I regret this. I regret all of this. I shouldn't have fallen for you, it...it was a mistake."

Michael deflated, "Wh-what?"

"I said I don't want this. I don't want this anymore. I want out of this relationship and all our stress and feeling broken and isolated and like a failure. I can't do it anymore." He held his head in his hands and shook it as if clearing the fog inside it, "Good bye Michael."

"Wait, no Jeremy wait! Please!" Jeremy slammed the door behind him, brushing the tears away angrily, "Please don't go."