Make You Smile

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Mark's P.O.V

I felt better. Better than I had in a long time. We'd been in Paris for a week. I knew that it was time to go back and face everything I'd ran away from. I knew it wouldn't be so bad because Taylor had kept her promise. She'd stayed with me. And I was beyond grateful that she had.

She was still sleeping in my arms. I smiled as I watched her eyelashes flicker as she pressed her cheek more firmly against my chest. We'd been sleeping together like this every night. But there had been no kissing or anything like that. I wasn't ready for that. And I wondered if I ever would be. It was so embarrassing and shameful. I just didn't want to talk about it with anyone.

I couldn't talk to Tom about sex or emotional stuff because well...it was Tom. He could be surprisingly sensitive when he wanted to be but it'd just be too weird. I couldn't tell Taylor about all of this that'd be way too embarrassing even though I knew she'd understand.

I could hardly even admit to myself what the problem was let alone anyone else. I didn't want to have sex. And that was weird. I mean I was only 21 not some 80 year old guy. I didn't get turned on anymore. Even on my own I couldn't get a boner. And not for lack of trying. I just felt so useless.

Was there something medically wrong with me? I was just so scared and freaked out. I mean Taylor was fucking gorgeous and I was holding her beautiful body against mine and...nothing. That had never happened to me before.

Things had gotten really fucked up with Skye she made me feel unwanted and unloved, rejected and like I could never please her or any girl. Maybe it was anxiety? I heard that before that guys got like performance anxiety and couldn't get a boner but then they could still get them on their own right?

"I can tell you're awake talk to me." She mumbled huskily against my chest.

I blushed and sighed. Goddammit. How did she do that?! I couldn't tell her. I mean we could tell each other anything but this was just too weird. I mean it was so embarrassing. And she'd just be all consolitary and understanding. And I couldn't handle that right now. It'd just make me even more ashamed. I mean Hugh Heffner was like 80 years old and I'm pretty sure even he didn't get these kind of problems. What was wrong with me?

She was gazing up at me.

"Mark- what's going on? You've got those serious deep thinking frown lines. Never a good thing."

I smiled shaking my head.

"Its nothing. I just...don't wanna go home that's all. I'm going to have to go get a new place and stay back with my dad for a while -"

"You can stay with me...I mean if you want to? My place is small but I have a spare room you could stay in. And I have a basement I don't use you could keep all your music gear in there."

I watched her hesitantly. She was serious.

"You've thought about this a lot haven't you?"

She blushed slightly and I smiled at her innocent expression.

"Well I mean not a lot but I've really missed you. And I've really liked hanging out with you this week. It's just an idea if you think it'd be too weird or you wouldn't be comfortable-"

I shook my head.

"No I like that idea."

I liked it a lot.

Taylor smiled and hugged me tight. I felt so warm and loved. I didn't want to impose upon her but she made me feel like I wouldn't be. Maybe she'd felt lonely too.

"Let's go back."

Taylor gazed at me then nodded.

"If you're ready."