Make You Smile

I Miss You

AN: The way they used to look at each other. 😭😭😭

*Eliot Smith - Miss Misery plays in the background.*

This is a long one. Sorry.

12th January 2003

Mark's P.O.V

6 months. No letters. No phone calls. No messages. I missed her so fucking much. She was there every time I closed my eyes. An angel in every single one of my nightmares. I didn't mean for her to leave and I had no idea how to ask her to come back. And now I'd waited too long like always.

She was happy living in London. Tom told me she was doing ok. They still spoke. A lot. Which made me hate him even more. But really I hated myself because I was the one being an asshole. If I'd just asked her to stay she'd still be here. But she wasn't. She was gone.

And I was alone. Tom wasn't speaking to me. I'd pushed him away. Pushed them both away. And I felt so fucking stupid and childish. Almost 24 years old and too scared to say exactly what was on my mind. That I did forgive them and that I still loved them and that I wanted them to be friends with me again.

I'd thought about talking to Tom about a million times but every time I tried something always came up. He was busy. Busier than ever now. Jen was pregnant and their baby would be due in the spring. Tom was going to be a dad. I was proud of him. He was so happy about it but he didn't speak to me about personal things like that. Not anymore. And that killed me.

Besides the happiness I felt for my ex-best friend there was also a part of me that was jealous too. Maybe a part of me would always be jealous of Tom and that's what had really caused all of this mess. Me. Being a jealous asshole. He had everything. Everything he ever wanted and needed. He was loved by his beautiful wife. He was going to be a dad. Everything was going right for him where everything seemed to be going wrong for me.

Our producer was on our backs about recording again too. It had been months since I'd played or sang or written anything. I just felt empty. And Tom and I were barely speaking. How would this even work? I didn't know but I knew I wanted to try. Maybe making music again would fill the void a little. The void left behind by her.

Taylor's P.O.V

I pressed the phone against my shoulder as I chewed on the toast that I'd just made.

"Yeah Jen's great. She's all pregnant and gorgeous. I felt the baby move the other day. It's amazing. I can't believe she's going to be here in 4 months. Fuck...what if I can't do this Jennings."

I smiled. I was so happy for Tom. But I felt my heart tug painfully too. It did every time I heard Tom. I missed him. I missed home. I missed my family. And most of all I missed Mark. I'd thought about calling him about a million times a day. But I was too afraid. Too afraid of him telling me he didn't love me anymore.

"Her? You know it's a girl! Awww that's so cute. She's going to be a total daddy's girl I know it. You'll be fine DeLonge. You're going to be an amazing dad. And you know if you ever need me on auntie duties I'll gladly help out."

Tom laughed but sighed.

"Thanks yeah Jen wanted to know. She got too curious. We've been decorating the nursery all day. You mean that? Taylor...we all miss you. Jen and I we want you here you know when the baby's born. Are you ever going to come home?"

He asked gently.

I swallowed the lump of emotion in my throat as I put my unfinished toast down. I missed them too. And I so wanted to come home. But how could I face Mark again? I was so ashamed of what I'd done.