I Don't Love You

Shit goes down

My heavy eyes opened and I tiredly looked around, not really able to see anything; it's very dark wherever I am. My eyes finally adjusted to the (lack of) light and I recognized the old band posters immediately; I was in Bubba's room. I turned over to find him cuddling close to me with a small smile on his face that made me smile back. I held him closely and fell back asleep almost immediately.
• • • • •
The next morning seemed to go by very slowly. I stayed in bed for at least 30 minutes before actually getting up; unlike Bubba who got up as soon as he woke up. I sat up and looked around with tired eyes; taking in my surroundings. His room was always so calming to me. Something about the way his room was set up with band posters covering the walls and fairy lights lining the edges made his room seem comforting; like there was only ever just us in the world, and I loved that feeling.

  I slowly got up from the bed and floated my way downstairs. I could smell bubs cooking something, something good~ I floated over to the kitchen and hugged bubs from behind. "Morning Bubba~" I whispered. He jumped a bit but then smiled at me and kissed my cheek. "And good afternoon to you too Marshall," he responded. "It's already the afternoon?" I asked. He just chuckled and handed me a plate with some red food. "Have some lunch, you must be hungry," he said sweetly. I took the plate of food from him and sucked the red out of a strawberry then smiled. It was so sweet~ I haven't eaten anything for about a month and this was a great comeback. "Thanks Bubba, you're the best~" I kissed him on the cheek and smiled at his reaction. His cheeks were now a bright shade of red and he looked as cute as ever.
"Marshall...?" I only now realized that I was leaning in and he was only a few centimetres away from my face.
"Yes?"
"...you're leaning in."
"I know~"
He blushed even more and leaned in himself until I closed my eyes and felt our lips connect. He tasted so sweet; like bubble gum and mint. Our kiss deepened and I found myself wrapping my arms around his waist, forgetting that I was holding a plate of food. We quickly pulled away at the sound of the plate falling to the ground and smashing.
"AH! Marshall, be more careful. That was one of my good plates," Bubba whined. "Sorry Bubba, you were distracting me~" I chuckled and held his chin but he smacked away my hand. "Is that what I am to you? A distraction?" His voice sounded annoyed and whinny. "You're not a distraction to me, I was just playing around. Don't worry Bubba," I said as sweetly as I could. He sighed and looked at me in the eyes. "Sorry Marshall, I guess I'm just feeling a little cautious because of what our relationship used to be like... but I know you're not like that anymore, right?" He smiled sweetly at me and I strangely didn't know how to respond. I mean, yeah sure, I love him and always have... but I'm not sure if I'm not a complete asshole anymore. I know I used to abuse him (not as badly as James though) and I would sometimes rape him... but that was usually when I was drunk or high or something but thats besides the point. He annoyed me a lot when we used to date and I would take all my anger and insecurities out on him. I don't know if I've changed enough to be ready to date him again. I'm scared that if we do start dating again I'll do those things to him again and all of this will start over... I don't want him to get hurt, especially by me...
"Marshall...?" I looked up at him and he looked concerned. "Are you alright? You're crying..."
"I-I am?" I wiped my cheek and found tears flowing heavily down. "Oh..." I sighed out. "What's wrong?" Bubba asked. I sniffled and looked down at my feet. "I'm not sure we should get back together..."
"Why not...?"
"I-I'm scared that I'll end up treating you like I used to..."
He sighed and looked at me with a serious expression. "Marshall, I know you've changed. You won't treat me like you used to, I promise. Things are different now," he said as he smiled and hugged me. "I love you." I smiled happily and hugged back. "I love you too." We hugged for a while then let go to look at each other. "So... we're dating now?" I smiled hopefully at him and he smiled back. "Yes~" I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, more than enough for bubba to notice. "You seem pretty flustered my king~" this made me blush even more now. "'Your king' huh?" I said as I leaned in and kissed him. "I like that name~" I said against his lips.

After a few moments of making out, we heard a knock at the door. My mind immediately went to James and I protectively held bubba closer. "Marshall... it's James," he said quietly as he looked out the kitchen window. There at the front door stood James. He looked like a mad man, his hair all messy and he looked like he'd been crying. He pounded on the door when he didn't hear an answer.

"MARSHALL! I know you're in there! I'll kill you and your stupid lover!" His threats were enough to make me fear for bubba's life. I ducked down from the window, taking bubba with me. "Go upstairs and hide, don't worry about me," I whispered. Bubba looked at me like his whole world came crashing down. "What? No! I'm not leaving you, he'll kill you!" He started to tear up at the thought of me dead. "You're more important, go hide. Please." I stated quietly. He sniffled and cuddled up to me. "I don't want to lose you..." he said quietly as he sobbed into my chest. I held him closely and covered his ears, making sure that he doesn't listen to James' death threats or the endless banging on the door. I kissed him on his head; I wanted to make sure that he felt as safe as possible, even with the loud banging and screaming going on outside.

I cupped his face in my shaking hands and smiled as best as I could even though I was terrified. I pulled him closer and kissed him with as much passion as I could. He deepened the kiss and stopped crying; I'm glad this made him feel better. Once we pulled away, I looked at him in the eyes and in all seriousness said, "I'll come back for you, I promise." Then I picked him up and ran upstairs, making sure to stay clear of any windows. "Marshall, what're you doing?" bubba asked scared. "Don't worry about it," I stated as I ran upstairs with bubba in my arms. I went into bubba's room and closed the door behind us. "Go hide; in the closet, under the bed, I don't care. Just hide and don't come out until I come back for you. Okay?" Bubba looked at me with terror in his eyes. "But what if you don't come back?! What if he kills you?! What if-" I put my hand over his mouth, he was being much too loud. "Shh, quiet down. I don't want him to hear us. Just trust me; hide somewhere and do not come out until I come for you. Okay?" He sighed sadly, I could tell he didn't want me to leave. "Okay..." he choked out through tears. I kissed him once more before he hid in the walk in closet and closed the door behind him. I left the room, locking the door before it closed to ensure his safety.  "I love you..." I whispered out, even though I knew he couldn't hear me.

I went downstairs and ran to the backyard, still making sure that I stayed out of view from any windows. I frantically looked around the backyard for anything I could use as a weapon. My eyes landed on an old shovel and I quickly grabbed it. James doesn't stand a chance against me. I quickly turned around, ready to confront him, when I suddenly faced a pair of piercing blue eyes and a messy head of bright blonde hair.
"You can't run now Marshi~"