The Gangleader Helped Me Become Sober (BxB)

Part 11

"Hey, Damon! I have to tell you something!" I yell once he enters the house. I have been waiting for almost two hours for him to get back from school, which I said I wouldn't be late too. Technically I hadn't lied since I wasn't late-I just didn't go at all.

"Hey, what's going on? Why weren't you in school?" He asks, somewhere in between conceded and angry. My stomach churns uncomfortably and I don't know whether it's from nerves or not having any hydrocodone.

"Yeah um, maybe we should sit down for this," Damon looks at me weird but listens to me anyway and we sit side by side on the couch.

"Okay now, do you wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Yeah um, see the thing is, I went to Daniel's and he knows about, well everything, and um one thing led to another and um... Damon, I'm g-gay. I'm gay," I say barely above a whisper while trying to avoid eye contact. We had never talked about homosexuality or any sexuality for that matter.

"So are you and Daniel like...." He waves his hand to somehow indicate 'together' awkwardly.

"I don't know. Honestly, I didn't even know until today I thought I was straight and then he kissed me and it freaked me out but then it didn't. I just don't know Dame. That's why I missed school, we were working things out," I say nervously.

"Hey, it's okay. It was just kind of a shock at first. I mean you dated that girl Mckenzie for a long time and I thought you guys did the deed."

"Yeah, that's the thing, we did. Then we broke up about a week later because I didn't want to do it again. I just didn't know that made me gay," I tell Damon, reminiscing about my 5-month girlfriend from a few months ago. I haven't seen her since. We avoided each other at all costs and she was a sophomore, so it wasn't too hard.

"Wow, uhm okay. You know you have to tell mom though, right?" Damon says.

"Yeah, yeah I'll tell her about the gay thing if we keep the other thing between us," I say somewhat desperately but sternly at the same time.

"Okay I'll agree to that as long as there are no more secrets and you check in with me on how you doing. And no more skipping school and we still have to talk about the flashbacks and the drugs," he says.

"Deal," I say and we shake hands, sealing the deal.

"Hey tomorrow mom has off, after school we should go meet this guy that has you all goofy looking," he says, grinning and trying to lighten the mood.

"Maybe next time," I tell him.

"Okay, brother," there's a long silence before I ask him the question I've been meaning to ask for the past few months.

"Do you ever think about Braun?" I whisper.

It takes Damon a minute but he finally looks at me with tears in his eyes and replies, "yes I think about him all the time, Jai, all the time. Sometimes I'll sit here and think about how different things would be if he were here. I miss him a lot. Him and his mop of curly brown hair. I miss his freckles and his cheerfulness. I can't lose another brother Jai. Don't let me lose another brother."

A little while later mom arrives home and Damon and I made all of us spaghetti and I try to joke around during the meal despite the dull ache my head is feeling and the thoughts that invade my mind, telling me how much I need the drugs.

"Mom I have something to tell you," I say, even though I already told Damon about it and I know my mom would be okay with me being gay my nerves still skyrocket.

"Sure, what is it hunny?" She asks

"Well, I'm gay," I decided just to rip the band-aid right off and I can see Damon smiling at me from the corner of my eye.