Hitting All The Right Notes (SHAWN MENDES)

Chapter 20- 3 Months Later

**ALYSSA'S POV**

I woke up gasping for air. "Deep breaths." I tell myself, "Calm down." I sat up right and put my hands behind my head, opening my airways. I learned this from my soccer trainer.

I just woke up from that terrible dream again. The dream that's more of a memory. That day, 3 or 4 months ago. The day I lost Shawn. I've been having this nightmare every night since I got home.

That day, I can remember too vividly. I remember, after Shawn locked himself in his room, I looked all around that hotel for Hunter. She was gone. She left me there, in some little hotel by myself with everyone who hated me. I hated myself that day too and I have from that day on.

I remember getting down to the lobby, and I broke down. I shattered. Right there on the carpet of some random hotel. With the amount of water escaping my eyes, I could pass for a broken dam. I screamed awful things that I shouldn't repeat. That was the day I realized just how unconfident and vulnerable I am. Shawn was the one and only person that built me up about myself. When he left, however, it all came crashing down. Shawn knew what to say, when to say it, and how to treat me. He put his whole heart into our relationship, while I played the more cautious one. In the lobby, I rolled on the floor, asking God what the hell is wrong with me. I can't seem to get anything right in my life.

After I calmed down and got my bearings, I realized that I was now stranded there... with no way home. Everyone hated me, everyone that is, except Jack. I texted Jacks saying to meet me in the lobby in 20 minutes and to bring a car key. I honestly didn't care that he had a busted nose. I needed to get home.

I ran back up to my hotel room and packed. I didn't bother to fold or anything. Become rough and careless with my clothes and other belongings, I walked into the bathroom to collect my toiletries. I looked at my self in the mirror. Big, puffy eyes stared back at me followed by pale cheeks and white lips. This is what Alyssa looks like with Shawn. A piece of worthless crap, well, that's how felt, and still feel today.

Once I was done, I walked to the lobby and gave my key to the front desk lady. I patiently waited for Jack. He came in about 5 minutes.

"Let's get outta here!" He said. I looked at his face. A red nose, all swollen and big was the first thing anyone would see.

"Let's!" I responded. We walked out and he ran to a car. He clicked unlock and opened up the trunk. I through my bags in there and hopped in the passenger. I sniffled and wiped my face.

"Listen we both know what happened. That's what matters." Jack said.

My head whipped around and looked at him square in the eyes. "No." I said. "What matters is that we lost 2 important people in our lives. You don't care?"

"Of course I care!" He answered revving the engine.

"About Hunter?" I asked.

We talked and talked and talked the whole way home. He comforted me with his words of wisdom. I could see why Hunter loved him. He was sweet and considerate. Eventually, he parked outside my house. Thank God my parents weren't home.

"Listen, thanks again for everything." I said unbuckling my seatbelt. "Seriously." I finished

"No problem! Any time you need to talk or vent just give me a call." He offered.

"Thanks! And same, just give me a ring." I went to the back of the car, got my bags and threw them onto the porch. I ran back to give Jack a hug.

We pulled in for the hug. A tear fell off my face and onto Jacks muscular shoulder.

"It's ok. We'll get through this." He said, us still in the hug. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. He looked at mine. He closed his eyes and leaned in. I didn't know why I did, but I did the same.

Are lips collided with the front seats of his car. 30 seconds into the sloppy kiss, I realized what we were doing. I put hands on his chest and pushed away from him.

"Jack." I whispered. "I'm sorry I have to go." With tears everywhere, I ran out if the car. "I fuck everything up. I'm so sorry Jack." I cried.

I heard Jack punch the steering wheel, making the car honk. What were we thinking!? Tears running down my face, for the however many time today, I ran to front door and whipped it open. I launched my bag in the foyer of the house. They landed with a big bang. I could hear my guitar crack, but I didn't care. I slammed the door behind me so hard, the whole house shook. I leaned my body weight against the wooden door and slid to the carpeted floor in hysterics. "GOD DAMIT!" I screamed while gasping for air in between tears.

And that brings me to today. 3 months later. I got up out of my bed and switched on the light to my room. I walked past the big white mirror in my dresser.

"Ew." I said in disgust. I looked at the big newly-dyed brown mess on my head. It couldn't be passable as hair. I skipped down to my red, puffy eyes. Overall, all I see is an ugly girl staring back at me. Actually, ever since I lost Shawn, that's all I seen myself as, a stupid, ugly, worthless, heartbroken girl. When Shawn left me, my confidence and life left with him. It's over.

I walked over to my guitar. I looked at my alarm clock. 11:00 pm. This is why I love Saturday. I don't have to worry about anything or anyone, especially Hunter, who is in refusal to speak to me. She hates me now, which

I have learned to accepted. I've had