Hitting All The Right Notes (SHAWN MENDES)

Chapter 20-Part 2

(A/N)

So guys I suggest you go back and read the paragraph before this and then read this cuz it will make it easier. this is gonna be a short update since it's half a chapter. I'm so mad because I had to rewrite everything I had again!

**STILL ALYSSA'S POV**

She hates me now, which I've learned to accept. I can easily understand why, but she doesn't give me the time to explain the whole story... what actually happened. She is in refusal to speak to me. My other friends, well used to be my friends, all took her side and now don't talk to me either. It's like I'm being shunned from the Amish. Once your out... your out. They give me dirty looks at school and when I walk by them in the halls they shove my shoulder with theirs, making me drop my books and causing me to create a train wreck in the halls. I went to the bathroom the first day back a few weeks ago and silently cried in the stall. Still, inspite of her hating me, she doesn't know about the actual kiss Jack and I shared. Just thinking about it sends shivers up my spine.

But right now, I don't care. All I care about is Shawn. But I know deep down, he doesn't care about me anymore. He's moved on. I still have my notifications on for twitter and when he tweeted that he got signed, my heart burst. Not only out of sadness and the thought that he's not mine and I'm not his, but also with happiness and pride of that boy. That boy. The boy whose heart I broke, and with that, broke my own. By now, he probably has another girl under his arm, in the place that I once was and the place I want to be. He probably sees me as a cheating skank and will never have a passing thought about me again. I let out a sigh of defeat.

I gripped the cold guitar. I strummed some random chords to calm me down. My guitar had always been their for me, even before I met Shawn. I fiddled around with some tunes until I started to cry. I've had been depressed ever since Shawn left. I took a deep breath and fanned my over heated face.

"Whoa." I said. I wiped my tears and place the guitar strap over my shoulder and began to play and sing along with terrible, screechy voice.

I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am

I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my hearts

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

You see, this song mean't absolutely nothing to me before.

But now? Well, this song could be my anthem. I began to breakdown in tears again.

My life has been a living hell ever since Shawn left. And want to know the worst part? No one had any idea.

**SHAWN'S POV**

I woke up from that terrible dream again. The one with Jack kissing Alyssa. I keep have the same nightmare over and over again.

When I locked myself in my hotel room on that dark day, I died. I was rolling on the floor while sobbing for air and snot running down from my nose.

"Why?" I cried. "Fucking why?" The guys were banging on the door and trying to kick it open. They were yelling at me. I could hear Cam and his concerned voice. They must've thought I was hurting myself. I made a promise to myself a long long time ago that I would never hurt physically myself. Luckily, the boys never got the door open because I had broken my promise. I was ripping hair out of my head. I could even feel how much it hurt because my heart was in much more pain. I didn't, until the next day, when I woke up with tufts of hair missing from my scalp.

Since then, much has changed around me. I got signed, I'm traveling all around the US, and I'm finally starting to live out my dream. But I, myself, have not changed. To be completely honest, my life has been a living hell since Alyssa left. I know I'm supposed to be mad at her but, I can't. I need her in my life again. She probably has some other boy already and probably thinks I'm a monster, especially after what I left on Jacks previously award winning face. She would never come back to me.

I grabbed my guitar and sat down at the corner of my bed. I took my pick and began to play.