You, but not you - a EruRi Lovestory

24 - Realisation

The happiness he felt went away into a painful realisation. It wasn't him Levi loved, it was his former self, the one he can't recall any bit of it. He made up his mind and nuzzles Levi's neck a bit smiling sadly to himself.
    "Yes show me the sea." Erwin pushes away from Levi taking his cheek in his hand, caressing it softly. The look in his eyes Show all of the emotions going on inside of him love, sadness, but also determination. From now on he had the goal to bring the one Levi truly loves back.
    "I will recover quick and I will bring him back. Levi he loves you so much, that even though I don't recall you, I love you so much that it hurts. Help me bringing him back." Tears start to Form in his eyes, but he blinks them away. Levi's words had hurt him much, but he could understand him, however, what he wanted right now was to simply get away, but he couldn't. His hand drops down on Levi's to take the sponge and wash the rest up.
    "We should finish or we will wrinkle up like old men. I got something I want to request from the doctor." He avoided Levi's eyes, all of him, the pain and the shame for being so pitiful resting deep within him.
    "Sorry, that I can't be the one you love right now." He mumbles under his breath looking at the sponge in his hand. "Help me get out, will you?" It was silly he knew it, to feel like this from the start, of course would Levi not love him, but his old self. He cursed his mind for losing all memories. Why even all of it? He felt sorry for him and he hated it the most to see people he cared for being so desperate.

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There was a huge shift in the atmosphere and Levi backed up too when Erwin looked upset. It was the wrong way of doing it, but he couldn't help it. He was just too desperate to get his Liege back, even if it meant sacrificing this bliss that Erwin had. He felt bad for that, he was even willing to let Erwin die so he wouldn't suffer. Yet here he was, desiring the old Erwin. His memory of his past was what made Erwin who he was. Standing there, in the pouring rain while Erwin gave him something to live for. That was the man he chose to protect with his life.
"Erwin, it's not like that... I just need you. You were a man that I looked up. You were greater than anything else on this planet. Because you had... still have a purpose to this shithole of a planet."

He looked down and started to wash himself.
"Here, let me help you out."
He got up and out of the tub before helping Erwin to his feet.
"Do you think you can stand still, or should I put you in the chair. I need to dry you with the towel."
He asked as he looked up at him with a small blush on his cheeks.
"Still, you are Erwin Smith."
He continued the conversation from before.
"No matter if you don't have your memory or not. I'll be with you, always. Because I love you, Erwin."
He leaned his head closer to kiss his stump of an arm.