Distractions (D. SWING)

30

Attentive

Another hard smack against my ass yanks a yell from my esophagus. "Yes!" I cry out at the feeling of him pushing himself deeper. "Oh my god— yes, yes, yes, yes!" It's really all you can say to keep the shudders to a minimum. His stroke slowing down to a deep, deep, cervical massage, I shut my eyes tighter. He does what he does well. To feel every inch of him is all that I have ever begged for. Now, I'm getting it and don't know how to contain myself.

"Get up."

"No!" I cry out, reaching to hold on to his wrist as my coping mechanism of choice.

"Get up."

"No!"

My body being violently shook finally breaks the hazy fantasy barrier within my mind. Awakening to the real world, I'm reminded that I'm no longer getting my back blown out. It's a depressing, mordant reality to face but it's what I call my life and I can't stay sleep forever.

"Get up, Nel."

His vocalization nearly mirroring the way he spoke in my dream, DeVante's palm grasps my thigh. I sit up in the bed to face him.

I have to admit that I am fond of the fact that he's the first thing I'm seeing this morning, out of all mornings. I love every opportunity that I'm given to really look him in the eye and study his features as they slowly age and change over time. For example, he had been growing his chin hairs a little longer when I left and now, they're all gone. Every single one of them. Out of sight. His eyes are lightening with the season, they do that. This is usually the time where they look more hazel than green. Then, we've got the fact that he's growing his hair back out. Slowly but surely, he's been transitioning back into the cut he's most famous for wearing. I know his fans don't often get to see him with a low-fade like I do. Especially, when he first cuts it all off and is walking around here bald headed. Or the way he's been dropping weight again, he's known to fluctuate. He's more on the slim side again as his muscles mass minimally decreases, he keeps his toned look. Yet, all in all, he still looks like my boyfriend. He still looks like De.

"What's wrong?" I wipe the crust out of the corner of my left eye.

DeVante walks into the closet. I get out of the bed to go brush my teeth. "You been sleep all damn day, I can't see your face? You was gone four days and you know I'm out tonight. Wake up, ma!" Already in the middle of brushing my teeth, I can't object with anything that DeVante has said to me. "You was gone four days, Nel." His head peeks out of the closet. "Come spend some time with your man before he dip out on you."

I skip out of the bathroom with clean teeth and a gleaming smile. "Okay, baby, I'm sorry." Sliding up behind him, I wrap my around around him in a warm embrace. My face presses up against his back. His reach pulls multiple shirts off the hangers in search of what he wishes to wear tonight. It looks like he doesn't want to go even but I'd like him to.

I need a second to think.

All this time, I've been waiting for my freedom. Constantly asking myself what will come next once the moment comes and I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want. Now, I don't know what I want.

My last performance was last night. I could see my best friend and his girlfriend sitting in the third row away from the stage very vividly. That song, that night, that stage, all of it was the closing of a chapter. The closing of a chapter that overlapped my current chapter. Somehow, I survived. After all, I am blessed to have seen the things that I have seen. I'd be a fool to say that I'm not a little scared. Buffy's leaving... how do I say that to myself? Buffy is leaving. Things are going to change really fast and it's bittersweet but I'm kind of excited because I'll experience it with De next to me.