Distractions (D. SWING)

55

Separation Anxiety

2 DAYS EARLIER

I sit on the bathroom's counter. My heartbeat has a mind of its own these days, no matter how in check I try to keep myself. The more we go through this process, the more I really question the true intentions behind the words being spoken to me when we discussed the two of us having a baby of our own. She sits on the toilet with her hot pink tracksuit pants at her ankles, yellow cotton panties hidden inside the windbreaker-esque material that Nike so famously produces. A plastic stick rests in her hand. E.P.T had become our most trusted source... that's how many times we have done this. I hold the purple and white box as she carefully places the stick beneath herself.

I urge, "Come on, Nel." I'm a little on edge watching her as I wait for her to finish. She can't concentrate under pressure so we went as far as buying her some A&W to sip on so we could make sure she'd need to piss. 

"What, I'm peeing already! You can hear it."

I smack my lips without too much volume to make sure I'm hearing her right. "All you doing is taking a piss." It shouldn't be that hard to piss on a plastic stick. I can do the shit with my eyes closed.

"De, you know it's way more to it than just pissing on a stick. C'mon now." Her laughter usually is something known to put a smile on my face but I'm beyond occupied this go around. "Can you relax," she questions as she catches wind of my sincerity.

The shit is hard and way easier said than done.

With a huff, I put the box back down on the counter behind me and stand up on my own two feet. It takes a quick three steps of mine before I am able to squat down and sit on the edge of bathtub, bringing myself closer to Nel. I pick up the A&W bottle and place it on the far end of the tub's edge. My forearms rest on my swinging knees as my had drops between them.

"Is this going to be too much for you? Should I pee alone next time and just tell you the results?"

My eyes shut as I continue to ignore the idea of facing her right now. "You talking a lot for somebody who gotta' concentrate to piss, Nel." I crack a half smile at her sudden silence because I know she's looking at me crazy. I can feel it in the energy of her stare. While I'm teasing her, I'm truly trying to shake the idea of how frustrating and nerve-wrecking this shit will be each and every time.

This is our new regular.

I could ask why she wants to do this but I don't think it's worth it, honestly. It isn't a bad idea. We already had the details of her health when we stopped using condoms. She's on some special kind of birth control, the only kind that goes with her blood pressure pills. The problem with all of that is we constantly have raw sex. She takes her pill, I'll give her that but I learned from Jared's own little bundle of joy that birth control ain't bullet proof. What's crazy is, neither is Nel's memory as of lately and the way she forgets so much shit? She can pop up pregnant any time and that's why I got to sit here every time she pisses on a stick as a part of her new routine. I'll be damned if I ever miss the moment the stick got two lines, especially with me knowing the baby is mine.

"You know what we do need to talk about?" She asks softly as I hear her begin to clean herself up. There is a click when she places the cap on the test. I glance up at her with interest as she stands at the sink with her hands beneath the water.

"What?"

Nel cuts the water, holding her hands over the sink for a second of hesitation as water droplets drip from her finger tips. "How we're going to get the kids up here," she says. "Diana and Justin."