Struggle For Power [✓]

Chapter 21

JUSTINS POV

Fuck my life.

Well...

What the hell did I just say? Why did that even come out of my mouth let alone even be in my vocabulary? 

Every synonym for fuck, oh my god and what the hell did I just say was just circulating in my mind, filling it up with too much chaos that I wish there was a possible way to jump out of my mind to another one that was composed. I was so absorbed of my mind that my physical exterior could barely move.

I was Justin Bieber for fuck sake. I couldn't let any woman consume or take extensive power of my mind. I had to remain my focus on other pursuits that actually formed meaning or a personal outcome. And somehow, she was doing exactly that. I couldn't even stop myself before the L bomb actually dropped.

She stands there, completely shocked at what I just spoke and frankly, I was probably just as shocked as her, just not showing as much emotion. I was surprisingly well contained for someone who pretty much fucked everything up now. I was just frozen, only the blood running in my veins moving.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." I try to pull it off as a laugh as I force an unconvincing chuckle. God, that was a dead giveaway. 

At least I was handsome and rich. Acting is not my speciality. 

"You love me?"

"I didn't mean it." I say immediately in response, still struck with the initial shock. I couldn't even alter my expression at all, it was locked in a single position. "As I said, my mind is just messed up a little with everything that's been happening I-."

"Then what did you mean specifically?" She snaps back at me, her arms meeting at her chest with her piercing stare.

Whatever I had sparked inside her was just adding to her conflicting decisions about this entire situation. I've just added unnecessary weight on her shoulders that she didn't want or even need. God, I didn't even want to think about the restless thought in her mind, I didn't even want my own and they were bad enough.

"I-I-I don't know." I was trying so hard not to show how badly the nerves were working my body. I had so much restraint right now, but with every single second passing by, I could feel my self-control disintegrating every time she took a breath.

"How can you even love me? I have given you more reasons to despise me than anything else, you are absolutely insane." She was just under shouting right now, but I couldn't help but notice the redness of her face as the anger laced around the words she spoke. She was evidently trying to keep her rage inside as much as possible - one false move and she explodes and I didn't want that.

"I-I didn't mean love in that way. I-It just came out wrong." I try to argue my peace. "It was just in the heat of the moment."

"It came out wrong? How the hell does that even happen?" A horrified chuckle left her lips like it was a cure to something. I didn't know what, but somehow it managed to retain something in her that was beginning to scare me. With a deep inhale from her nose, she looked at me.

I nod slowly, as I take her hand and guide her into the comfort of the living room area. To my surprise, she didn't even pull away at the basic human touch we shared, but she just obliged simply and followed me closely. I gestured my hand out towards the sofa that held our secret night.

I glanced over the small bar, which I knew was starting to see better days, I had to mentally tell myself it's too early for an alcoholic drink, my nerves would have to deal with the energy from coffee to take the edge away. Even a dash in my coffee would be a perfect combination but I just had to refrain myself.