Puddles

Shhhh

What does it feel like to always be able to speak your mind? What does it feel like to want to scream while having to be quiet? 

Well, Alex knows how that feels. Always being taken advantage of, and always doing what others want because he doesn't want to say no. He doesn't know how to say know. Alex loves to speak his mind, and he is extremely passionate about what he cares about, but after people stepping all over him and his self esteem, he lacks the confidence to be stubborn and show why he cares.

He has lost all knowledge for human emotion, and for him, that's scary. He doesn't know what it's like to trust people without being cautious about them taking advantage of him. That being said, Alex has alienated himself from everyone, putting him in his own separate category in which he is all alone. 

He wants to know how to trust people, he wants to know how to not second guess himself, how to not underestimate himself, but to him, that seems next to impossible. He looks out the window, past the pouring rain, and at the dreary gray sky, matching his mood exactly. Heaving a sigh, he looked back at his piece of paper. Their task at school was to write an essay talking about what the best qualities a person can have and why. 

The blank piece of notebook paper sat dauntingly on his desk, and he glared down at it, wishing it would somehow know what he wanted to say even if he himself didn't know. This was a new first for Alex, not knowing what to say. He always had a comeback, he always knew what to say at what time, and writing was like his oxygen, it flowed naturally from him.

But this paper, or rather, this topic rendered him speechless, he was at a complete loss for words. How could he know what the best qualities in a person could be if he himself had no clue what set him apart from everyone else? 

He quickly scanned the classroom, where students had connected pencil to paper, and were writing away, some poking there tongues out of their mouths in concentration. Inwardly sighing so as to not disturb the silence surrounding him, Alex set his pencil to paper, deciding that the best way to take this task was to explain himself first. 

"Looking at this prompt that I have been given, I have found it hard to come to a solution on what the best qualities a person can have is. You see, I have been so withdrawn from humanity that I don't know what makes a person great. Most likely, everyone would say their nobility, their kindness, their intellect, and whatever generic qualities everyone probably has. Rather, I would have to say that it would be the soul. To have good characteristics, a person should have a good soul. 

Having a good soul would cause a person to truly be above the rest if they have selflessness, yet stubborness. Kindness, yet rudeness. Happy yet sad. Optimistic yet pessimistic. I believe that having contradicting qualities can make you a great person, because you have a little bit of both, which won't make you come off as too mean, yet not too nice."

Alex sat back, rereading his words, and feeling proud of what he wrote. He knew not many would understand what he was trying to say, but held onto the hope that at least a few people would know what point he was trying to get across. 

Granted, he wasn't sure that even he knew what he was trying to say, but at the same time, he did. It was weird, the way how he knew what he meant, but he himself didn't full understand what he was trying to say. 

He supposed that he only needed one person who would always be true to him, one person who would stick by his side when the rest of the world would undoubtedly betray him. One person who would know when he wanted to be left alone, but to not leave him alone because that would make it all worse. One person who would be his shoulder to cry on, but wouldn't let him sit back and let the world torment him. That was what he needed, but the right person was surely far, far away, wrapped up in their own fights, winning their own battles, and making their own sacrifices. 

Still, as long as he knew that there was at least one person who would be there for him through thick and thin, he knew he could make it. He would have to fake it until he made it, but it would hopefully be worth it in the end. 

And while Alex was most definitely not the most open person, he knew that to sway people into knowing what his world was like, he had no choice but to open up. At this point, it was either fail the essay, or ace it. Seeing as Alex is not the type to not give one hundred and ten percent, he was most definitely going to ace it. So, like a blossoming flower in the most delicate stage, he slowly started opening up to the paper, and to whoever would read this essay.

Because when it boiled down to it, he wasn't going to throw away his one chance at success. He was going to show the whole world that he was Alex and that despite being shattered beyond belief, he was going to prove everyone wrong and make it.