Puddles

Thoughts Can Ruin You

A/N~ wow so this book isn't gone, discontinued, or dead. for the longest time i had school, and writing my original book The Other Planet (check it out because it's pretty intense) and honestly, i just felt a general sense of dislike towards this book, probably due to the stress i felt when i was forced to update (it was created for a project, remember?). well, now future me, who has just taken the ACT is taking a tiny break from my book to get the creative juices flowing (and maybe not feel so dead on the inside). so, as per usual, i have nothing planned out. Let's see where this goes.

Dear J,

Have you ever just had a thought, one that you find yourself pondering over hours after even thinking it? One that produces an influx of both happy and sad ones? A thought, where, days later, you still find yourself thinking about whatever it may have been?

There is something so profoundly eloquent about being young and being in love, is there not? To know that you, and your fellow peers may feel the same, or oppositely about one another, whether it be love or hate? It is a seemingly endless tale, to love and not be loved, to scream and not be heard, to challenge but not be challenged. 

Thoughts can ruin you, their destructive nature elicits the most dramatic consequences at times, and yet, we still have these ruinous epiphanies, however small they may be. 

It is with this that I have caught you up to my current mental and quite possibly emotional state. As I am still young, I still find myself harboring many seemingly unanswerable questions. How does a person truly know when they have met "the one?" How does a person contain the ability to mend themselves after a heartbreak? 

I am quite eager to receive the answers to all my questions, especially if I have to answer them myself. Time and time again, I have found myself giving and giving, but never receiving. I fear I may have developed the bad habit of giving my all when there is not guarantee that I get someone else's all. 

I constantly find that I do not truly believe people's words of encouragement. I do not trust that someone truly likes me, I do not allow myself to develop that inkling of hope, for, dear J, the fear that it may lead to my ultimate demise. To trust so deeply only to discover your friendship may have been built on a basis of lies is one that truly hurts; cutting a line so deep and jagged that it may never heal. A bleeding wound is not the most comforting thought, this I'm sure we can agree on.

Furthermore, I fear that it is thoughts such as these that can devastate a person; it can be their downfall. Well, I strive to be the very opposite. I strive to push all natural instincts aside. To force yourself to do something far out of your comfort zone is to soon become immune to that fear. Quite obviously, the more fears conquered directly leads to no "fatal flaws" for any potential enemies. 

I constantly assume I have the intellect of someone far beyond my intelligence levels, however, the whole reason why a person fights is to get to go home, correct or no? 

I shall leave you to ponder this question, J. Perhaps we can discuss the matter further in the future, but I must go now, lest I be caught.

Ever Yours.

A/N~ well okay then i guess. i don't know how i feel about this one, i kinda just took a thought and rolled with it which, to be fair, is what i typically do. anyways, apparently today was Best Friends Day (someone has to keep me up to date with my National {insert thing} Days because the only one i can remember is Talk Like a Pirate Day which is September 19. Anyways, that isn't the point. I do have best friends, but i don't wanna post about it this year on instagram. last year it wasnt an issue because i didnt really have many friends, so it wasn't a big deal, but I'm kinda confused this year cause i made friends (at least i really hope they're telling the truth when they say we're friends) and while i consider us close, i don't know that they feel the same way, so i don't wanna make anything awkward by tagging them, but i also don't wanna ruin anything by not tagging them so I'm kind of in a pickle.