Hamilton Oneshots (DISCONTINUED)

I Miss You (Jamilton)

Alex's POV

"Hey, it's uh, been a while eh? Two weeks give or take? Look... I know that you hate me but... I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I hate how things ended between us and if I could change it I would.

"Everyone tells me that I need to let us go but... I can't. You are the only thing that's ever given me happiness and a reason to live. But I understand that you don't feel the same way. I messed up and now it's too late to fix that. I just, wish I could be with you again.

"I hate that I love you so much, I hate that I ruined us... but I can't change any of that.

"You may think I'm crazy, but I'm perfectly sane. Or, maybe less so without you.

"How do you do it? Even when I haven't seen you for so long, you still have the power to make me love you...

"I still remember your smile like it was just yesterday that I last saw it. Oh your smile, it could light up my world within seconds of seeing it. It was one of those real smiles that always reached up to the corners of your eyes. The kind of smile that feels contagious, that you can't help but smile back to. It's been years since I last saw you smile, I wish I could see you smile once more. Maybe then I wouldn't still be hung up on you. But perhaps I still would.

"Nothing could make me forget the love we shared. Our love was a kind of love so perfect, not even story books held tales of love close to matching ours. We were meant to be, our union was written in the stars. But those stars crashed, and now I'm alone.

"Our friends try to make me go out on blind dates to take my mind off of you. It never works. I always run away or hide in the bathroom till my date leaves. I just can't bear the thought of being with someone other than you.

"Now, I know that you want me to be happy and to let you go, I can't. I know that I'm disappointing you but... I just can't love another. You are all I've ever wanted in life, and without you, I have nothing."

I paused my monologue and frowned with the realization that I'd started crying. This usually happened, I'd start bawling my eyes out trying to talk to Thomas.

"Listen I- I shouldn't be here. My... my therapist tells me that coming to see you doesn't help my mental state... but what does she know? She's never had to go through what I'm going through, what we're going through... she's never had to deal with the pain of losing the only person who ever cared for her due to her own stupidity. But I have, and it hurts like hell.

"Every day I've spent without you in my bed, by my side, has been hell. I feel like a stampede of a million elephants are constantly running over my chest. I can't breathe and my head hurts twenty-four seven. It's a nightmare to live without you.

"And my therapist, she says that she can help me, but she never does! I know that you want me to listen to her and try to get better, but I want to know why? Why do I even deserve to, 'get better'? I don't, that's the answer.

"I'm such a horrible person love, I don't deserve happiness anymore. How could I even dare to be happy in a world without you? Without you, my life is cold and frozen. The only times that I feel remotely better are when I come to see you...

"Enough about me... how have you been?"

I finished my monologue and waited for a response that I knew wasn't coming. I never get a response, not that I deserve one anyways. I looked up towards the sky and frowned. The sky was darkening to a navy blue as the sun slowly dipped downwards out of the sky. It would be night soon and whichever one of my friends that was assigned to stay with me tonight would be getting worried. I needed to wrap this up, and soon.

"Well, anyways, it was nice seeing you again. I'll be back again as soon as I can. I miss you so much... well, goodbye, for now, my love," I stood up and left a single pink carnation on the headstone before leaving the cemetery.

//772 Words
That was mostly a monologue, oh well