Bloody Texas

When did Things Get so Calm?

Lance's heart thumped against his rib cage screaming to be let out of its confines. He curled himself tighter in the blankets and kept his eyes on the wall to try to act nonchalant. Keith lied behind him facing the opposite direction. Lance couldn't help but feel nervous in this situation. Keith was his first everything—his first kiss, his first date, his first love. Now they were in the same bed. How was he supposed to act? Were they supposed to just lie there? Were they supposed to cuddle? Did Keith expect them to have sex? Did Keith even want to have sex with Lance?

"You know," Keith's voice was low and tired, "I can feel your anxiety all the way over here."

Lance covered his nose with the blanket, "I'm sorry."

He chuckled, shuffling the blankets with the rough movements. "Hey."

"What?"

"Look at me."

Lance's head spun and his face reddened. He hesitatingly complied and turned himself around, keeping as far away as he could. "What?"

Keith's eyes glowed in the dark and looked right through him. He lifted a hand and stroked Lance's cheek with his fingertips. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

He closed his eyes to soak up the affection. After taking a calming deep breath, he opened them. "I don't know how to do this."

Keith let his hand drop back down to the bed, "Do what?"

"This." He motioned to both of them with his finger. "The relationship thing. I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now."

Keith's face softened, "What do you want to do?"

Lance shrugged and bit his lip to keep himself sane, but his face gave everything away. He couldn't hide anything from him, and they both knew it. They both knew Lance's "I don't know" shrug was more like a "I don't have any fucking clue what I'm doing and I need help" kind of gesture.

With a gentle smile, Keith laced an arm around Lance's waist to pull him closer. "Well, we don't have to do anything you don't want to. But," he wrapped his other hand around Lance's head and brought it to his bicep, "it's really cold over there all by myself."

Lance still wasn't sure how it went, but what he did know was that he liked Keith next to him. He liked Keith holding him. He liked it when Keith's arms protected him from the outside world—and equally from himself. It was similar to the feeling he had at the abandoned gas station but different. It was like the one place he truly felt healthy was in Keith's arms. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into his chest, "Yeah, I'm cold, too."

"Alright, grab your book and that blanket." Keith pointed to his suitcase as he scrambled to gather everything for the day.

Lance slipped on his beige cardigan and cat boots. His black floral skirt and pink sweater framed his body perfectly. "Where are we going?"

Keith stopped rushing and leaned over to kiss his cheek, "To the next stop." He took his hand and led Lance down through the hotel.

Lance hugged the book to his chest as they walked through the building. As much as he wanted to, he still didn't have the carefree attitude Keith had to PDA. Now, not only were they staring at Lance's choice of fashion, but also the man that held his hand. "Keith, where are you taking me?"

They stepped through a door and out to the roof. Lance stopped to admire the scene. In the cozy brick was a hidden lounge. Benches and small tables were surrounded with bushes and flowerpots. The sun shone down on them and the wind blew through Lance's hair and stroked his cheeks. The busy sounds of the city could be chaotic at times, but at that time they were relaxing.

Keith walked over to one of the benches and called him over. Lance strolled over to him, taking dramatic steps and stopping on his toes. Keith leaned back against the armrest and opened his arms, "Come lay down."

Lance eyed him skeptically for a moment, then maneuvered his way onto Keith's chest. Keith curled them up in the blanket and took the book from Lance, opening it to the first page.

Lance gazed up at him, "Am I gonna get a sweet explanation now?"

Keith gave him a warm smile and kissed his hair. He lowered the book, "Whenever I see you, you always have this stressed look in your eyes. Even when you're laughing or," he laughed at himself, "or even when you're sleeping. You just- you're always tense and-" His voice trailed off in thought, then returned. "Scared. You're always scared."

Keith picked up the book again and returned to the pages, "So for today, just for a while, I don't want you to be scared. I want to read you your favorite love story and I want you to relax and listen."

Lance's chest burned with emotion. Keith was the most thoughtful person he had ever met. No one had ever treated Lance as a person- only a problem. Even his parents, who loved him dearly, always looked at him as a separate son. He wasn't their child, he was their patient. But with Keith, he was just a person. He was a living, breathing human that could feel emotions and not have to hide them.

He was Lance.

"You're the best," Lance lied his ear down onto Keith. As he read to him, his voice bounced off his rib cage and vibrated his chest. It transported him into the story and away from the harsh reality he lived in. For a few hours, Lance even forgot that he was sick.

For the first time in twenty years, Lance almost forgot to take his meds- which Keith had to remind him to do. And that was the biggest gift of all. The gift of just being able to breath without worrying if that breath would be your last.