There's A Hope Waiting In The Dark

Chapter 12

Remember when I said my favorite thing about waking up next to Logan was rolling over and his kissing my forehead? Well guess what I got this morning. There's seriously never a dull moment with him. Granted I'm biased. But that's okay.

"Jess you need to pack we're leaving in two days." I hear Logan's voice say from the bathroom.

"I don't even want to get out of bed." I said sighing and rolling over where Logan had been laying a few minutes ago.

"I know but you have too.. come on." He said pecking my lips, and pulling me out of bed.

"Ugh fine."

"I love you Jess." He said smirking as a grabbed my suitcase.

"I love you too Logan" I said while grabbing some clothes to pack.

"You're cute when you're mad."

"No I'm not!" I exclaimed.

"Whatever you say beautiful. I'm going to go make breakfast while you pack." Logan said then walked downstairs.

•••••

"So today I figured that if it's okay with you that Kendall can come on our adventure for the day." Logan asked while eating his French toast.

"That's okay with me. But exactly why is Kendall coming? Where are we going?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You'll have to wait and see." He said smirking.

"No no no no no Mr.Henderson that's not how today is going to work. Where are we going." I asked walking around the table with my pointer finger out.

"Why are you scared the boogie man is going to get you?" He said while grabbing me around the waist when he said " boogie man"

"Logan! I swear to god! If you EVER scare me like that again I'll-"

"You'll what?"

"I'll...... I'll...."

"Scream at me to never do that again and then kiss me?" He said while pulling me in. I couldn't help but smile into the kiss and neither could he.

"Yeah I guess that works." I said while rest my head on his shoulder with my arms around his neck.

"You're so cute." He said rubbing my back.

"I know you are, you don't have to keep telling me." I said, laughing a little.

"We're going to work on that confidence of yours." He said while picking me up, and of course by instinct I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"I prefer we not. I have plenty I just don't ever show it."

"Then we'll work on you showing it more." He said kissing me, and placing me on the couch.

"What time are we starting this adventure?" I asked, as he plopped down beside me.

"I think we'll go get lunch with Kendall and then set off to our adventure."

"So are we coming back home tonight?"

"Yes. But will you stop asking so many questions?"

"No I'm worried."

"You don't trust me?" Logan asked and I watched his expression fell.

"I do Logan. You know I do. The way you're putting this adventure is scaring the shit out of me. My anxiety is going through the roof." I said laying my head in his lap.

" I'm sorry Jess, I didn't realize it making your anxiety sky rocket. I'm sorry babygirl. I won't do it again." He said rubbing my hair.

"It's fine I know you won't intentionally hurt me, but my anxiety doesn't."

It fucking sucks having really bad anxiety. It makes trusting people a lot harder. Plus my trust issues. Logan's going to leave me because I'm too sensitive. He could do batter anyways. God I'm feeling sick. I think I'm going to puke. Logan's going to leave me and hate me. He said he would never do that, that he cares too much. Why am I shaking so bad. Everything's going black. Why is this happening.

"JESS! JESSICA! Baby girl wake up, come back to me. You're having an anxiety attack. Jessica please." Logan shook me viciously trying to get me to come back. I gasped and sat up. Was I crying? And why am I still shaking. I leaned over into Logan's open arms.

"Jess are you okay? You were having an extremely bad anxiety attack." He said pulling me as close to him as possible.

"L-Logan. I-I don't know what happened." I said holding onto his arms shaking. "I need to go back to my therapist."

"Yeah lets go call and see if they can see you today."

"W-What about our adventure?"

"Every adventure can wait. You're health is more important to me." He said while calling Kendall to cancel. Kendall said he understood and that it was okay.

"You're the best Logan." I said snuggling into him, as he hung up the phone. Resting my chin on his shoulder he leaned down and pecked my lips.

"I do what I can... I love you Jessica."

"I love you too."

•••••

"So you said you were having really bad anxiety attacks again?" My therapist Kaitlyn Smith asked.

"Y-Yeah. My boyfriend has witnessed them, all I can tell you is how I feel before them."

"Tell me what goes through your mind before you have them, and then if your boyfriend is here I'll ask him what else happens. If that's okay?"

"Yes ma'am that's fine. Umm so, I start thinking about being alone and I can't find comfort in it anymore, and it terrifies the shit out of me. I think about how I'm not good enough for Logan and what I'd do if he left me. I'm holding him back and I don't want to do that. But I don't want to live without him. You're aware with how attached I get to people. He's my everything right now. I can't afford to lose him." I said letting tears fall down my face.

"So you're stressing and worrying because you don't have a backup plan if something goes wrong. You've always been an independent woman, so having to fully trust Logan is something you're struggling with because of your trust issues. Correct?"

"Yes that's what has been causing them here lately. And he wants me to move to NYC with him."

"It will be your first time living out in the big world without family won't it?"

"Yeah, it's super scary. Even though I know Logan will have everything covered, it still scares the shit out of me."

"Well we will finish this part after I talk with Logan, alright? What's his last name?"

"Okay, and Henderson. Logan Henderson." She picked up the phone in her office and called the receptionist.

"Yes Julia, can you send Logan Henderson back to me please." I stood up and walked to her office so she could talk to Logan alone, and man does that only feed my anxiety more.

A/N: I am so so so so so so so so so so SO sorry for the late update! I'm having a really bad week. This is just kinda a filler chapter but.. next chapter I think we might be headed to NYC!

I do plan on updating "Fixing Myself" as usual on Friday. Oh hey! By the way if you haven't checked it out already please do! It's really good!

As always I hope everyone is doing well! I will see you guys hopefully Friday!!! Again I'm super sorry about the late update but somethings better than nothing! ❤️❤️