There's A Hope Waiting In The Dark

Chapter 22

The next morning when I woke up I smelled bacon being cooked. I had a migraine from hell, and my anxiety was sky high. I walked into the kitchen to see Logan crying while making eggs and bacon. This is harder than I thought it would be for him. I walked over to the cabinet that has all our medicine in it and grabbed my anxiety and depression medications. I took double of both. Logan caught me getting double of both out he turned around freaking out.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Jess what are you doing?!" He said frantically taking the bottle out of my hand.

"Logan, calm down I'm just taking an extra of both. It's not going to kill me. If you don't want me crying, getting angry, and moody all day you'll let me take the extra. I'm going to have to for a couple days." I said staring into his perfect eyes that look like they haven't slept.

"Carsons going to monitor these." He said taking the bottles and putting them where I couldn't reach them.

"Carsons not my caregiver." I snapped at him. Before I knew Logan had me pinned against the wall with his lips attacking mine. I honestly love it. I love when he's aggressive.

"Don't you ever just assume this is easy for me. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do Jess. I'd rather walk through hell carrying the world on my shoulders than do what I did last night. I love you" He said releasing my legs and letting me stand. I couldn't form any words. All I could do was kiss him back with all my might.

"I love you so much, Logan. Always have, always will. I told you a long time ago, that you could break me down to nothing and I'd still be in love with you. I still am. Even though you didn't intentionally mean to hurt me, it broke me down to almost nothing, but I still love you with every ounce of me." I said before he let me walk away. After we ate a quiet breakfast, he went to pack for his adventure. I texted Carson that we were leaving for the airport soon, that I'd need her here afterward. When he got done packing and before he left he pulled me into a kiss and then the biggest hug he's ever given me.

"Jessica... I love you." He said cupping my face and resting his forehead against mine. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing and neither could he. I grabbed his wrist with my hand and embraced the feeling of him touching me.

"I love you too, Logan." I said before pecking his cheek before he grabbed his things and we walked out the door to go to the airport. When we got to the airport he had to immediately go to the gate to board the plane. Before he walked onto the plane he pecked my lips and whispered: "I will be back for you, my love." Then walked onto the plane. I texted Carson and told her I was going to wait for the plane to take off before I left. As I watched the plane take off, I felt a part of me die. My heart started to physically hurt. I got out of the airport as quickly as I could without anyone seeing me crying. When I got to the car I let loose and let all my emotions spill. Thank god for tented windows. I drove home crying, when I got home Carson wasn't there yet so I went upstairs and shut the door and cried. This is possibly the worst feeling ever.

*******

"Sir...sir...SIR!" The flight attendant said.

"Oh um, yes?" I said wiping the tears out of my eyes.

"I need you to cut your phone off or on airplane mode, please." She told me kindly with a smile.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry." I said cutting my phone off.

"It's fine, thank you." She said and walked to the next row. This is the dumbest mistake I have ever made. I can feel it. I already miss her like crazy, but I need this. No matter how much we're hurting we know I need this and it's to better myself. My first "adventure" is going to Seattle and traveling down the coast stopping in tiny towns to the best places of the states and enjoying the tourism of the states. When we reached altitude I cut my new phone on and I had a message from my mom, it read "Logan, honey I know you need this break. But I really liked that girl, I never got to meet her but she's the one for you. Either way, I support you, I always have. Love you!". I messaged her back...

"Mom, I'll be home in two weeks. I really need to talk about this. I know I messed up. Majorly. But the damage is done and I really need this. If I don't I'd only end up hurting her more." then put headphones in and fell asleep.

*******

I heard a knock from behind me and I knew it was Carson, I managed to drag myself off of the floor and I opened the door and collapsed into her arms in tears.

"J it's okay. Everything is going to be okay," she said walking in closing the door practically dragging me to the couch.

"Carson you don't understand. Logan has been the love of my life since the beginning of BTR. He's the one that refused to let me stay in an abusive relationship, who loved me through being shot, who loved me through my anxiety attacks, who loved me through other personal things. He made me feel secure Carson. I don't feel that security anymore." I said grabbing an entire box of tissues off the table as I sat down.

"I-I didn't know all of that J. You couldn't tell you'd been through so much. I know this sucks but he gave you his word he'd be back for you and you know him better than I do and I know he will indeed be back for you."

"I hope so. I hope soon too." I said blowing my nose.

"J don't think it's going to be soon, because if it's not it'll hurt you more. Expect a year or two. Yeah, it sucks to think that but its better than expecting him back in two months and be disappointed when he's not." She said which made me realize shes probably right if he was going to be back soon he wouldn't have broken up with me. He's going to be gone for years. My anxiety skyrocketed at the thought of feeling unsafe for more than a couple months. What if they come back for me like they said they would? Logan's not here to protect me, I have no one to protect me. But they're both in prison, so I'm fine.

I'm fine... right?

A/N: AHHHHH I'm sorry I'm fucking with y'all! My emotions are everywhere right now. I know how I want this to go but it happens to be a little more emotionally challenging than I thought it would be. Anywaysss I do love you guys though! ALSO!! The next couple chapters are going to be mostly in Logan's POV and very little in Jessica's!

ALSO!! This totally isn't a Brendon Urie fanfic. BUT Pray For The Wicked is out and it's an amazing album.. everyone would love it!