the broken hearted girl

Chapter fifteen- i chose not to attend. It doesnt mean im heartless'

~alysha~

my dads funeral is approaching me at colossal speed.

I didn't organise the funeral, because i didn't want to.

Why should i?

Because he's your dad.

Dad?

Oh please. Don't even get me started.

He was a maniac, and he's where he should be; rotting in hell.

His funeral though...

Funerals.

Funerals are where you pay your respects to a loved or someone you were close to.

Didn't love my dad, i certainly wasn't close to him.

So i have no need to pay my respects, especially towards some who didn't once respect me. he showed me the complete opposite; hatred, something which fucks me up mentally.

He's gone now.. I can finally accept it so easily, like I'm relieved.

But Everything's going so quick, it only feels like only yesterday he was still abusing me...

i think i'l be scarred for ever, and i'll never be able to forget about any of this stuff what took place.

Its just one of those things which will always be at the back of my head, no matter how hard i try to forget it. It will always be impossible to forget.

i better get ready for school.

i don't want to attend, but this is compulsory.

***

i got ready for school, i look a state, like usual.

I always look like shit, maybe i should stop trying to look 'ok', because i never turn out to look 'ok' anyway..

i walk to school everyday, its my daily exercise and my way or loosing weight, hopefully i have lost weight because if i've put more weight on i'll freak out.

walking to school alone, isn't too bad, because you get to think more about yourself and your life, rather than someone of babbling on about rubbish.

when i arrived at school, i wasn't in such a negative mood, well at least it wasn't as bad as the depressive moods i've been feeling.

I thought today was going to be a nice day, an interesting day, oh if only it was.

My gang of 'friends' were at the gate...

um, Maisie was stood talking with Nathan, this sure is going to be awkward. I'm still offended by him calling me a whore to be honest, but i might as well pretend that i'm not to save more arguments.

As i walked towards Maisie and Nathan, i thought about what i was going to say, and how i was going to say it... Nathan saw me walking towards them, his eyes fixated on mine, he gave a cold,evil look, then continued to talk to Maisie.

I stood in front of Maisie, and i was just about to aplogise to Nathan, even though i'm not sorry.

i opened my mouth to talk...

"anyway Maisie i've got to go, i'll talk to you about this later." Nathan said in a rush.

That was to get away from me, and i know it.

i'm falling into a never ending pit.

emoctionally im dead; physically im tired of everything in general.

"sooo alysha. Heya! i haven't heard from you all weekend. How are you? Are you Okay? What have you been up to?" maisie asked me a whole load of questions in one go.

give me a chance to answer, you don't need to ask me twenty questions at a time.

i can't be asked for her.

i can't be asked for anyone.

i can't be asked for anything.

This has made me realise.

I'm done.

i'm a failure in everything i try, no wonder Nathan has a 'grudge' against me.

i simply walked away from Maisie, i know there's going to be loads of shit, but im just not in the mood for her at the moment.

i don't want to be pissed off. She pisses me off, thats the problem.

Today sucks.

I suck.

Cant be asked.

lesson one; maths.

um, I hate that. its shit.

i also sit next to Nathan, great!!

i walked to maths,

our teacher was stood that door,

"hello alysha, are you okay?" my teacher asked me,

um.

"yes! fine." i replied trying to sound enthusic, but really i was being sarcastic.

i sat in my seat.

Nathan came in through the classroom door, he looked towards me, his eyes locked with mine, until he looked away, and sat in his seat next to me.

shall i even bother talking to him?

"nathan." I began to speak to him, he didnt move or react from the position he was sat in.

im going to have  litteraly stand in his face to get a response...

I actually got up out of my seat and stood in front of our desk directly in front of him.

"Nathan can we just leave all this stuff in the past? its not worth it anymore." I sighed, I just didnt want arguments anymore I want a drama free life.

Nathan replied but I couldn't make out what he was saying; my vision went fuzzy and everything went blury.

I felt weird, this isnt right.

I absolutely hate feeling sick, but I don't really feel sick. I feel like im going to faint.

I might as well faint, passout, whatever... who actually cares about me?

I closed my eyes, and let the darkness sweep me away.

***********************************

a/n

sorry bout the long wait guys I have been busy and havent felt up to writting. but its now summer so I will probs update more,  I want to finish this book over the six weeks though... no promises.

unedited: probs loads of mistakes js.

chapter name is weird :/ lol.

thanks for reading <3

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vote/comment.

thanks,

freya x