strike a pose ||| michael clifford

chapter 7

I was not informed that it was a date. I thought Michael and I were jst hanging out, but he had gone off and told the other boys that it was a date and Anna, Miranda, and Emily would not shut up about it.

Yeah, I like Michael. A lot. But I'm not gonna go around telling everyone. What he was doing telling everyone that it was a date was probably just a joke, and I didn't want to tell him about my feeling only to be rejected.

After Michael and I 'hung out' as I'm gonna call it, we've been kinda awkward around eachother. Sneaking slight glances at eachother only to look away within a few seconds, being awfully quiet, it's just been kinda weird.

I don't even know what made it so strange. Honestly, we just talked and held hands. It's not like we did anything intimate or something we shouldn't have. Maybe it's that he was calling it a date, when he never told me it was.

It wasn't a date, was it? No, that couldn't be considered a date.

We were all sitting in the living room, the boys had just got back from rehearsal and Miranda was currently suffering from a pulled muscle in her leg being forced to rest it for a day. Anna and I were getting ready for my photoshoot, as she was my hair and makeup artist.

Today there were supposed to be a bunch of different models coming to the studio to meetup and I wasn't too excited about it.

As we walked out the door we both sighed, both knowing the long day ahead of us.

Getting my hair and makeup done wasn't hard, it was just simple waves down my back and soft makeup, getting dressed was the hard part. Nothing looked good on my body to me, and I had to force myself not to cry so I didn't draw attention to myself by messing up my makeup. In the end, I picked simple skinny jeans and the new top Brian had said would look nice on me.

Putting on a confident smile was the hardest part of all though, making myself look like I was happy and confident in who I was, when in reality it was the complete opposite.

Seeing all those other girls make my want to cut all the extra skin in me off with scissors. They were all so skinny, their jeans fit them perfectly, their thighs never touching, and their crop tops showing off their toned hips and belly.

I looked down at myself and sighed heavily. I wasn't the only girl there that didn't have a thigh gap, but I was bigger than every one if the 32 girls, and i didn't like that.

I already hadn't eaten in a few days, my fast going longer than I expected.

The shoot was only 2 hours but it felt like years. All we did was take turns showing off out modelin skills and socializing with the other models and photographers. When it was my turn to model for everyone, I felt eyes burning into my soul and picking at every single flaw I have.

On our way home Anna noticed how upset I was.

"Ella, you did great and you look amazing, what's up?" She sounded concerned, and I was considering telling her but decided against it. This is something I can handle on my own.

"Nothing, just didn't get a lot if sleep last night." My stomach was grumbling, thank goodness the loud Red Hot Chili Peppers song blocked out the annoying sound.

When Anna dropped me off at my apartment, I didn't really want to be there. I waited until she walked to her place and then took off down the hallway.

I ran to the nearest park I could find. I wasn't running away from anything in particular, just from what would happen when I'm alone.

I sat and picked atthe grass until I noticed the sun was starting to set then made my way back home.

When the grumbling sounds of my stomach could be heard over the television I walked quickly to the kitchen and stuffed all the good I could find into my mouth.

10 minutes later I was bending over the toilet throwing up all the food that had been out in my stomach. Sitting back onto the cold wall of my bathroom, I realized that I did have a problem.

But it was a problem tht I could handle on my own.

hella short chapter but hey I dont think anyone's even reading this anyway