"I'm not perfect Michael." I sighed, plopping onto my couch. "Im really not."
"To some people you are though!" He screeched, clearly frustrated. He was flailing his arms around trying to get his point across, and he looked really cute despite the situation.
"Can you just shut up! Some people may think I'm 'beautiful' or 'perfect' but in my opinion I'm not! That's not going to change!" I yelled, emphasizing my words.
Michael let out a frustrated groan and sat down on the couch across from me. After staring intensely at eachother, I got up and walked towards my room. Tears had begun making their way down my face, and I didn't even know why I was crying. I stopped right before my bedroom door and said "Michael I think you should go home." without turning around.
"Only if you promise not to do anything." Michael said back. He stepped right next to me and grabbed my shoulders so I was facing him.
"I won't. I promise." I said, and I really wasn't planning on doing anything but sleep.
He sighed and let his hands drop to his sides.
"I'm always a cell phone call away, and you know where I live if you need me. I want you to know that you can always talk to me." He ranted. "About anything, anytime."
I nodded and pulled him into a hug. He put his arms around my waist and squeezed me tightly.
Once we parted, michael walked out of my apartment without saying anything, and I truly felt bad for making him worry about me. I am perfectly fine, and I do not need help.
Having Michael over made me worry. Did he really believe the lies i fed him? Or was he just sparing me the struggle of telling someone? I knew Michael though, and he really did believe me.
I stood infront of my door for a while before I realized what I was doing. I went inside my room and layed on my bed and thought. I thought about what I was doing for Anna birthday, and about what I was going to do about my eating disorder. That still made me feel weird. Eating disorder. Those words swam around in my head for a long time until I got out of bed and walked into my bathroom. I stripped the clothes from my body and stepped into my shower after turning it on. I didn't even care that it was still a bit cold. I stood under the water for a long time. I never really kept track of time, or anything for that matter. I just kind of went with the flow. Unless it's something I'm in charge of, then I make it perfect. I'm definitely more of an estimator and guess how much time I spent doing what.
Once I got out of the shower I put a towel around my body and blow dried my hair. I purposely avoided anything sharp, and my scale. I didn't really want to have a breakdown at midnight again, it stressed me out too much.
I slowly slipped into my pajamas and sat in my living room again. I didn't even make it to the couch before I started to feel dizzy, so I sat on the floor and waited until I was okay to get up again.
My cat came up to me and layed down on my lap. I've always loved cats. Michael and I claimed to share a cat when we were growing up. It was the neighborhood cat, it didn't really belong to anyone, and since mostly everyone in our neighborhood was elderly, Michael and I took charge of taking care of the old cat.
Once I regained my eyesight instead of seeing stars, I put my cat on my couch and walked to my kitchen and ate a granola bar. It took a lot of effort, but I didn't throw it up.
I went back to my room and got into my bed. I was still over-thinking, and I wanted nothing more than to rid all thoughts from my mind and sleep. I realized I'm not even sad anymore, I just felt emty. Like everything I am was completely drained out of me.
And that scared me a lot.
wow I suck 😅 filler chapter I know I know but stuff is gonna happen between Ella and Michael soon oooooooo
anyway I'm sorry this is short I'll make the next chapter super long
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strike a pose ||| michael clifford
Fanfiction"behind every pose was a insecurity and behind every photoshoot was more hatred she had for herself"
