not edited, sucky af
As Michael had said he would, he took me on a date. It was quiet and special and something you'd see in the movies. He wasn't pretentious or cocky at all, completely, one hundred percent him and I was completely, one hundred percent me. It went well, to say the least. Michael remembered how I don't like fancy things and only like to go out to restaurants occasionally, so he set up picnic in his tiny balcony of his apartment, a table in the middle of the balcony. He didn't mind that I only had a few bites to eat, either. Michael understood everything.
While we were waiting to hear from a treatment center I spent a lot of time with Miranda and Emily and Anna, also Calum Ash and Luke. They were shocked when they saw me for the first time since March, but they didn't think of me any differently, just like Michael and Anna promised. It was just like old times, sitting on the couch telling stories that we've heard gazillions of times and telling one another about our day or week. Lots of laughing too.
In the month that it took to claim a spot in a local treatment center, I hadn't eaten very much. Although I'd been trying my hardest, every time I tried to eat something normally it would come back up a few minutes later, obviously it was me who caused it, but it felt as if I had no control over what I was forcing my body to do. I have so many supporters and it made me feel worse that they, my best friends, couldn't even help me.
I had lost my job, kind of. A working process. Brian told me that until I was "recovered" I should hold off on modelling, and after that make sure that going back into the business was not going to lead me to the same place as it did before. All of this had me thinking, before my eating disorder (officially diagnosed, as of September) I couldn't pose for cameras without hating myself and who I was, behind the makeup were hidden flaws and the tight clothes I always requested to wear made my stomach and legs look more curvy than they actually were.
When I walked to the front of the large treatment center with Michael holding my hand tightly and Anna clutching onto my shoulder, I knew that this was the right decision to make. Signing in went well, and after that we were led to the room that would be mine for the next month or so, depending on my progress, that's what the lady at the front rest told me, anyway. As soon as I was settled in, we all plopped onto my bed.
"I'm pretty sure your roommate will be here soon. The lady at the front desk told us the therapy sessions end at 4 and it's nearing 3:50" Anna sighed, "Michael, we should head home?" She asked timidly.
"Uhh" Michael rubbed his sweaty hands on his black skinny jeans, "Yeah, I guess."
They were both clearly upset. I could only have visitors every weekend, so this would be quite a change. I'd said goodbye to everyone else before, only having two people come with to help settle in.
"Don't miss me too much. This is for the best." I laughed, attempting to lighten the mood. They didn't really take it though, so I grabbed Anna by the arm and pulled her into my thin arms. "It's for the best" I whispered into her ear again. She nodded in response and then pulled away, mumbling a small "I'll miss you." before leaving the room, obviously giving Michael and I some time.
"I'm so proud of you, darling." Michael sighed, standing up from the chair he was perched on and grabbing me by the waist. "I'm so proud that you're doing this for yourself."
"I'm doing it for you guys too." I reminded him for what seemed like the tenth time that day. "But while I'm here, I hope you guys make it big."
I knew that 5 Seconds Of Summer was getting popular, whenever Michael and I went out a few girls would recognise him and ask for a picture and a follow on twitter, he always was so polite and was happy to do whatever for them.
"I'll try babe." Michael laughed, kissing me lightly. Our kisses are special, like our lips were ment for eachother. "For sure." He breathed once we both pulled away.
"You should go now, but I love you and I can't wait to see you again." I rambled.
"Yeah, I'm going. I love you too." One last hug them he was out the door as I watched him and Anna walk away together.
After a few minutes of laying on my oddly comfortable bed, a girl my age came into our room, startled at the sight of me.
"Oh! Hi! I'm assuming you're Ella?" She chirped happily, and for a second I forgot that we were in a treatment center. She had a slim body, beautiful face with big, bold eyebrows. I nodded, slightly insecure while looking at her.
"Yeah, I'm Ella, nice to meet you." I said awkwardly, standing up and sticking my boney arm out to shake her hand.
She had a different idea though, and pulled me into her arms. I was shocked and slightly confused and uncomfortable, but hugged her back anyway.
"I'm Leah. I'm so happy to finally have a new roommate, my old one moved out a few months ago. She wasn't nice to me, though." She giggled. "You seem nice, I hope."
"Yeah I think I'm pretty nice, and you seem pretty chill too so" I dragged out the 'o' for a few more seconds "yeah." I finally whisperd.
"This is a good place, I've been here a while and I'm getting a lot better, I'm sure it'll be the same for you."
I hope so.
I ment for this to be longer, but whatever
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strike a pose ||| michael clifford
Fanfic"behind every pose was a insecurity and behind every photoshoot was more hatred she had for herself"
