I'm gonna start by saying I'm sorry for all the spelling errors and shit, I don't really have time to re-read it and stuff so yeah sorry.
It had been a couple weeks since my encounter with Lucas and my small fight with Michael, and everyone seemed to forget about everything. Michael and I made up the morning after our fight because I felt bad for being so rude, even though he was being annoying. Everyone else sort of forgot about me being so off and brushed it aside. We never really hang out because were all so busy all the time, so it wasn't really hard to say I had already eaten when we had a meal together. The only person who really noticed my lack of eating and dramtic change in body image was Michael, I had told Anna I was doing a weight loss program or something like that, so she must have told everyone else. Michael on the other hand, assumed things. I had never told him, or anyone for that matter, about my slight eating disorder, but he seemed to know everything. I was kind of annoyed and that, to be honest.
Michael and I hadn't been as awkward around eachother since that party and so called date we went to forever ago, but the sparks were still there and I knew my feelings for him were still hidden inside me. When Michael and I were younger I always saw myself with someone like Michael, just not him. But now I was changing my mind. Everything had just been hectic, so many photoshots and helping Brian and his boyfriend move in together has basically consumed my time in the past few weeks, and I've grown fond of Brian's lover. Nate had easily become someone I love to hangout with, along with Brian of course. They're both very accepting and hilarious and all around great people to surround yourself with.
All of my meetings and photo shoots the past couple of weeks had been hard for me. I had been eating more than I did, but that ment more purging. My body was usually always sore and I got dizzy and light headed easier than I usually did. I wasn't full of energy and it was obvious I was tired. I spent my nights overthinking and basically ruining myself. No one but Michael had seen the scars on my hips, and I was hoping it'd stay that way for the simple reason that I was ashamed of myself. I wasn't just embarrassed because i had purposely made myself bleed out of satisfaction, but also because I couldn't bring myself to keep my food down like a normal person. I told myself over and over that eating disorders are common, but I also don't like saying I had an eating disorder. To be honest, I was loosing myself and I knew I needed to do something about it. I was aware I wasn't as bad as before, but you don't just get better.
I wa getting ready for a lunch date with Nate and Brian, because they said they wanted to tell me some things. I was secretly hoping it'd be marriage or something like that. Their relationship was as steady as a mountain and even though they'd only been together a few months and it was totally bizarre to thing of marriage already, I saw a bright future for them. I put on some skinny jeans and a Slipknot tee shirt and went downstairs to text Brian. My jeans had gotten too big to wear, so I wore some old ones from when I was younger I found in the boxes of my storage room. Brian said they were already at the coffee shop so I headed out of my apartment, surprisingly not running into Michael.
"Ella, your hair looks really nice!" was the first thing that came out of Nates mouth as I sat down at the booth. I had just redyed it a darker purple and I loved it.
"Thanks, I like it." I responded sweetly. Nates happy nature and kind words always rubbed off on me when I was around him.
"It does look very good, I'm sure I can think of good photoshoot ideas with it." Brian cut in with a laugh.
"I'm sure you can Brian, you are the expert aren't you?" I teased.
"Oh hush you. We invited you to have coffee with us for a reason you know?" Brian snapped his fingers along with his sassy response while Nate wrapped an arm around him.
I nodded and motioned for them to continue. I was actually pretty nervous for what was about to come out of their mouths, but I didn't show it.
"We were thinking about getting a pet. You know, start off slowly. If this works out then maybe in the future we can adopt a child?" Brian said seriously, looking at Brian with a smile on his face. Brian nodded and pecked his cheek, I mentally awed at their cuteness.
"I think that's a great idea! You shod get a puppy. I mean, I'm a cat person but some people say that puppies are a lot like children." I wouldn't have been so excited about this if I wasn't at their house so much.
Once they had told me their idea we basically just talked about up coming events or shoots and drank our coffee, and after we all split up I headed into town. I wanted to get some more CDs for when I drive places, because my car only had a CD player and my old ones were getting scratched. I had always loved the cd shop. It always had a nice feel to it, with soft music playing in the background. I picked out a few CDs and went to the cash register to pay. After that, I continued to look around town. I'm not really sure why, I'd lived here for a while and had memorized every store. Something kept me walking though. I walked further away from my car and the vs shop, and soon I passed the park where I first met Emily and Miranda. I was kind of lost in my own thoughts and I wasn't looking were I was going, so when I ran into someone I wasn't so suprised. I looked up to see who I had run into and laughed. Not a mad laugh, or a fake laugh, but a genuine, real, happy laugh.
"Why am I always running in to you Michael? Geez, stop stalking me."
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strike a pose ||| michael clifford
Fanfiction"behind every pose was a insecurity and behind every photoshoot was more hatred she had for herself"
