NON EDITED LIKE ALWAYS
The treatment center was annoyingly sanitary, everything seemed squeaky clean and there was hand sanitizer bottles and cleaning wipes located on every corner of the hallways. Today I would begin my first therapy session with Mr. Decker, and I'll be honest, I wasn't excited.
I had heard from Leah that he was a great therapist, him being who she saw also. She told me he makes jokes and makes you feel comfortable whenever you're around him, but I still was a but apprehensive about the whole therapy thing.
Therapy started at 3:45 for me, and group sessions started at 4:30. It was still only an hour before noon, so I lay on my bed reading a random book I found on the table by my bed. Surprisingly, the book was really good so far. The cover of the book had The great Gatsby in bold writing, so I assume that's the title of the book.
Leah skipped into our room and plopped on my bed. It was nice that she got along with people so well and actually made an effort to be friends because I'm certainly not like that.
"You ready for lunch? It serves in about half an hour." She smiled. I nervously sat up and looked around the room awkwardly. Of course I wasn't ready for lunch, I hadn't had a proper meal in months.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah I am." I managed a smile. Leah obviously caught on though, because she put a softy on my shoulder comfortingly. I wanted to tell her what I was here for but no words came out of my mouth.
"You're here for an eating disorder, aren't you?" Leah asked. I nodded slowly, slightly suprised that she caught on so quickly. I kept my eyes on her face for any kind of reaction.
"I don't like to assume what everyone is here for. Don't worry hun, you'll get better here, it's a good place. I'm here substance abuse, if you were wondering." She smiled. She obviously didn't mind doing all the talking.
"Oh, so you're doing better?" I asked. She nodded excitedly, wrapping her hand around my wrist and pulling me off of my bed.
"I like your shirt, girl. I love Coldplay." She smiled. She was dressed in floral printed leggings and black over sized sweater with white Doc Martens, obviously she's fashionable and I'm clearly not. i mumbled a 'thanks' and followed we out of our room and into the hallway, curious as to where we were going.
Leah seemed so happy and positive about everything, and I wanted to really get to know here and be her friend, even after we're out of here. When she told me that she's here for substance abuse, it was confused and wanted to know the whole story, and I would tell her my whole story.
When Michael and I were 15 we both got drunk together in the tiny treehouse we shared and stayed there all night long. We found out that I'm an emotional drunk and Michael gets very angry, but even though he was mad he wasn't drunk enough to hurt anyone. Sensible Michael always knew when things can get out of hand and always know how to prevent bad things. The next night we managed to get some weed from a friend of ours and got high together in the same place, and after giggling and feeling just plain weird for hours, we finally came to our senses and decided that we would never get drunk or high again. We both hated it, and that made me wonder, did Leah do it for the hell of it, or was there another reason?
Leah and I made it to the large cafeteria right as they started to give everyone their meals. After we got ours, we sat down at an entry table. Leah dug into her food and ate quickly while I started at the salad on my plate, not quite sure what to do. I wanted to eat, but my body wouldn't let me.
"It's okay, just take a few bites, the people here are so understanding and are 100 percent sure that you'll get better eventually" Leah smiled, noticing my fear stricken face. It was nice to have someone to guide me around and I felt bad for not putting as much effort into being her friend as she is for me.
"In sure I will" I mumbled back with a smile, taking a few small bites of my salad.
-
I walked into Mr. Deckers office quietly and took a seat on the fluffy chair across from his as I was told. There was no desk, just a small bookshelf and a table with a notebook on it. He held a clipboard with a few sheets of lined paper clamped to it and a fancy pen, I assumed he'd be writing notes on what I say.
"Hello, Ella. How are you today?" He asked with a kind smile on his face. He looked like a genuinely happy and sweet person that enjoyed making people happy.
I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. I was doing fine, but not fine. I didn't want to confuse him.
I smiled instead, hoping he'd catch on to what I was trying to hint at. Thankfully he did and scribbled something onto his paper quickly.
"It says that you were a plus size model, but you eventually developed an eating disorder?" he asked, reading something off of a slip of paper next to him. I nodded again, looking down at my hands.
"This is usually how the first sessions go. I think we're done for today, but we'll definitely be meeting longer tomorrow, maybe try to get you to say something." Mr. Decker smiled. I felt bad for making his job so hard on him, but pushed the guilt aside and left the room, bit forgetting to give him a small wave.
After that, Leah and I went to group session together. There was about 9 teenagers in the room with Mr. Decker. Everyone sat in a circle and waited for Mr. Decker to start taking.
"Okay," He sighed, "today we're going to talk about alternatives. If you had an alternative for what your here for before you came, I want to know what they are."
A girl with thick layers of black over and under her eyes and complelty black, studded clothing raised her hand and Mr. Decker nodde in her direction. "Mckayla."
"Instead of burning myself I used to just set things on fire" Mckayla smiled. I was taken aback by everyone clapping and congratulating her.
Next, a boy that looked like an average teenage boy started talking next, "instead of breaking things I usually just got laid a lot, ya know, take my mind off of things." Again, everyone clapped and cheered him on.
The same thing went on for a good hour, someone saying their alternatives and everyone else cheering them on. Everyone was no nice to one another and next judged eachother.
Seeing the excitement in even the saddest, dullest eyes in the room gave me hope that I could be fully recovered and out of here in no time.
my chapters are sO boring sorry
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strike a pose ||| michael clifford
Fanfiction"behind every pose was a insecurity and behind every photoshoot was more hatred she had for herself"
