Moments with Michael

Performance with problems part 2

It's the day after part one and Michael's accident, and there's now only three days till the planned performance.

"What are we gonna do?!?" It's one of the dancers. They came to Neverland at 11 AM, just like they have done the past two weeks. But today Michael didn't open the door for them, energetic and impatient to get started with the rehearsal. Today it was me, who welcomed them, and told them that we had a bit of a problem. I showed them to the bedroom where Michael still is, and on the way I told them about what happened yesterday.

"I don't know" I answer her truthfully. I have been thinking about it all night, racked my brain for any kind of idea. And still I didn't get anything. Still I don't know.

"Maybe we could..." one of the other dancers (Emily??) start, making us all look to her with a glimpse of hope in our eyes. "Michael, is it possible to dance with crutches??" She ends her sentence, and the hope fades when Michael slowly shakes his head.

"No, I don't think so. I have thought about it, but... I can barely walk right in them." He says.

"Can't you just sit down then??" A third of the five, female dancers says. I think her name is Melany, but I'm terrible at remembering names!

"I can't dance sitting down, it would be terrible. Just some man sitting in a chair, it wouldn't be anything near a good show!" Michael answers, his eyes filling with tears. I sit down beside him and takes his hand.

"Actually it's not a bad idea" the dancer I think is called Emily says. "If we could get, like, a real cool chair, like the pharaohs throne or something."

"Yes." I say, a picture starting to form in my head. "And with all of you" I gesticulates towards the dancers "dancing behind it. Maybe we should change the choreography a bit, but I think it could be pretty good!"

People start talking, assuring each other that it's a great idea, and talking about what changes they could make in the dance. Michael have been silent for some time, but now he turns his head to me and says quietly:

"It's a good idea, really. But... you know I can't sing without dancing, not really. I would have to be lip-syncing."

"Yeah?" I answer him questioning. I haven't thought about that, but he gave a solution himself; he can just lip-sync it.

"And what kind of show would that be?!? I would just be sitting in a chair, without singing and without dancing, it wouldn't be a real performance!" He says, the tears once again threatening to start falling from his eyes.

"Michael, listen to me. It's the best you can give right now, yes it's actually even better. If it weren't for this idea, we were gonna have to cancel the show. Besides, I really believe this can be good!" I say, trying to encourage him, to make him believe in the idea. "It's not like you can't dance at all, a lot of the moves are with the arms, right?? And even though it might not be as spectacular as it could be, it's still going to be amazing! So what if you don't sing live there, they can still hear your voice and your song."

He's looking down at the bed, and I place one hand under his chin to lift up his head. He lets me raise his head to look me in the eyes, and I continue: "It's gonna be good, Michael, but only if you want to do it! Only if you put your heart into it, like you do with every other performance." I'm quiet for a moment in an attempt to make my words sink in. "Will you do that for us??"

"Okay" He says, with a whole new energy. "Okay!" He repeats himself, a little louder this time. All the other people get quiet, and it hits me that they didn't even notice what just happened. They didn't see his sadness, his vulnerability. They only see the strength, the energy, the power and the passion that now burns in his eyes. They only see the strong man. And I realize - that's what most people do. Most people only see the strong man, the leader, the innovator. It's only the few, who take the time and effort to really get to know him, who sees what's behind that. Who sees the broken little kid that still lives inside him, even after all those years.

I squeeze his hand tightly.

They all start to plan the new show, talk about what things they have to change and what can stay the same. And while they do this, I can see the hope grow in the eyes of my husband. I can see a smile starting to form on his face, can see the happiness and relief in his lines.

After some time with talking, Michael insists on starting to rehearse the changed choreography immediately. Unfortunately it's already kind of late to start, and let me just admit it, I don't want him to do too much this soon. There will be lots of time for rehearsal tomorrow.

The next day the dancers arrive exactly on time, and they spend the whole day working. The day after that goes the same way, and when me and Michael goes to bed the night before the show, I can just feel how much more confident he is in this. It can only be good!

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"Good luck!" I whisper in Michaels ear. There are so many people and so much noise, that I have to be that close in order for him to hear me. He kisses my cheek and gives me a small smile.

"Thank you" He whispers back.

And there he goes. Out on the scene. The lights are off, and soon I can't see him anymore.

I hear an introduction, and the sound of the gong. The lights come on, and finally I can see him again.

He wouldn't let me see the whole performance before. He said it should be a surprise. And it sure is. The show is nothing but breathtaking! I don't really understand how, but Michael manages to dance almost as much sitting in the chair, without being able to use his legs, as he normally does standing up, with both legs and feet as an important part of his dancing.

A few times he stands up for a second, or at least he tries to, and I almost stops breathing. My thoughts scream that he should sit down, be careful, don't hurt himself! But of course, it's Michael. He can't sit still when there's music!

It's clear to me that this show is just as outstanding as everything else he does, and I'm not the only one who can see that! The audience is going wild, you can hear them yelling go Michael, go Michael, go Michael! And he just smiles so much from hearing that! This couldn't be any better!

Finally the last note of the song dies out and he gets off the stage again. I walk over to him and gives him a big hug, and he smiles widely to me.

"That was amazing, sweetie!" I tell him

"Thank you" he answers giggling.

When we get home that night, Michael is holding three awards. And of course he was so happy and held a sweet speech when he got them, but I know that that's not the best that happened for him today. The best for him was to show both himself and the world, that no matter the circumstances, he is still the king of pop, and always able to pull off a show!