Blake ~ Insecure

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Written- 07/05/18
Oh my god you beautiful babes!!! You'll never guess what has happened!!! (Make sure to read a/n at the end for all the gossip on nhc)
I HIT 5 BLOODY THOUSAND READS!!!! YOU ARE ALL INCREDIBLE!!! IM SO SHOCKED! WTAH

Your POV
I brought my guitar down to the river. I always did that when I needed to get some emotions out, right now I wasn't feeling happy in the least.

I had just been declined a job that I'd wanted for ages. My confidence was completely knocked and I had cried my eyes out in secret. I'm never one to speak about how I'm feeling.

Right now I needed to play, I needed to release all the emotions building up inside.

I laid my jacket across the wet grass and plonked on top of it. I grabbed my guitar and held it close to my body
"Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't. It isn't in blood"

The words left my lips and my fingers began to pluck the strings, instantly I felt better.

"Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing. I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something"

The lyrics consumed me. The were so relevant to how I was feeling right now, insecure for sure.

"I can take to ease my mind, slowly.
Just have a drink and you'll feel better, just take her home and you'll feel better. Keep telling me that it gets better.
Does it ever?"

I could hear the river gently running in the background and the guitar meshed with my voice perfectly. I have always loved to sing but have always struggled with my confidence.

"Help me. It's like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't. It isn't in my blood"

My voice began building and I started to get really lost in the music. By the time I had finished singing I was in tears, but I wasn't sad anymore. Singing does that to me, makes me emotional while letting me be rid of my emotions.
My friends say that I feel music very deeply. I don't think I really understood what they meant until now.

Sitting on a riverbank, in tears, but finally feeling free and happy. Feeling like I have washed it all out of my system.
Sometimes I wish I could play to people, people who aren't my mum or best friend. Sometimes I wish I had the confidence to be like the artists I see in concert or hear on the radio.
I wish I could be successful, but at the same time I want to hide, too insecure to allow myself to think what if?

••
I stumbled around the mess in my room. My phone was lying face down on my desk and vibrating constantly.
I picked it up and a picture of me and my best friend from last year filled my screen.

Y/b/f/n 💓😍💓

"Hey", I answered.
"Y/n!", I was met with a squeal, my name, and another squeal.
"Yes?", I questioned, confused.
"Have you been on YouTube?", she asked.
"Not since yesterday", I replied suspiciously.
"Have you been on Twitter?"
"Nope. Not since breakfast", I answered.

"Ugh. Where have you been?", she groans. I could imagine her rolling her eyes.
"Umm, i went down to the river a while ago", I offer.
"Well I know that", she sighs, another eye roll probably.
I wrinkle my brow, I don't remember telling her that.

"How-",
"Check YouTube trending right now!", she demands, cutting me off and suddenly ending our call.

I bring my phone back over to my bed and drag my laptop onto my lap. I enter YouTube and wait for the trending list to load.

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