Personal imagine for @eternalnamjoon
You are such a sweet person <3 hope you enjoy x
Written - 27-05-18
I couldn't have missed Reece more if I tried. I was always wishing I could go back to him and apologise for the way things ended, wishing we could just start it again. I seemed to always be looking for excuses, ways I could see him. To congratulate him on the latest single, the release of a music video, anything, but I always chickened out, unable to crawl back.
We spent two years together, but now it has been four months since we broke up.
It was the 6 of April 2018 and I could not sleep, no matter how hard I tried.
It would have been the two and a half year mark, our anniversary, that very day, only it wasn't. I laid in bed, tossing and turning. I was subconsciously counting the miles between us and wondering if he was doing the same. I knew he was on tour, probably having the time of his life, but I wondered if he knew today was a special day.
His face kept appearing in my head, every time I closed my eyes, images of us haunted me and I had to force myself to stay awake. Cmon Helly, I thought, you're stronger than this.
But a voice in the back of my mind asked "am I?"
The same voice that replayed his voice inside my head.
I remembered when I used to be unable to sleep, and Reece would sing to me.
I rolled over and dramatically threw the sheets off me, suddenly sweating at the old memories. A sense of desperation hit me, I need him. I realised.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, suddenly dizzy, at the prospects of how my life would now be, without him, my rock.
A sense of hope sat in my chest, about the size of a small pebble maybe he realises what today is. Maybe today is the day he calls.
I filled myself with nonsense and hoped that he would come to his senses, that I would come to my senses, and we would both wake up and face this. What we had was good, I still am not even certain why we broke up, to be honest. I guess the timing wasn't the best.
We both needed to stop being so stubborn and proud, but one of us had to reach out first, and we were both hoping it wouldn't have to be us, the other person might come to their senses sooner.
It had taken me four months, but I think I might have finally come to my senses.
Not enough to actually reach out, what would I do if he was over me? What if I was still hung up over him and he didn't give a toss about me? How would I react if he rejected me?
The questions bounced around in my restless mind and made my head spin completely.
I unlocked my phone and the feeling of hope sank, he hadn't called or texted. On our 2.5 year anniversary.
Then something clicked, it was only 5am, surely he would be asleep, especially since he was touring, and he might still text later. I latched onto that thought. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, blaming the sleepless night on Reece. Yet again.
I quickly typed in my password, which was, pathetically, still his birthday.
The first thing that I saw was his Instagram story.
My mouth fell open and I rubbed my sleep deprived eyes, thinking I must be dreaming, but there he was. He was in a hospital gown, at about four am, with a heart eye filter, making him look adorable, might I add. The caption read "so um yeah I'm not well"
Panic immediately kicked in. The next picture was of his arm, a drip or some kind of medical equipment inserted under his skin, tears automatically welled in my eyes. He had captioned it "send help 💉😪"
I'm coming, I thought, just hold tight, I'll be there.
•••
The sign read "Chelsea and Westminster Hospital"
I breathed a sigh of relief.
My hands shook as I pushed the door open. I jogged to the front desk. A massive grey teddy bear was jammed under one arm, a get well soon card tucked under the ribbon around his neck, a box of Dairy Milk chocolate was in my other hand and a helium balloon which was blue and yellow was wrapped tightly around my wrist. I wanted to make him feel better, no matter what had happened to him.
