Written- 01-03-18
It started with a smile, and then one word, it progressed to a date, suddenly he was my everything and the whole world seemed to revolve around him.
"Good morning", I can hear his voice, although he's miles away, and I know it contains a smile.
"Well it's late afternoon here", I tease back, distantly pondering just how far away he is.
"Oh yeah, I forgot", he muses down the phone.
"How could you possibly forget that you're basically a world away?", I ask him "it's all I ever think about"
"Me too", he promises
"I miss you so much", I whine, hoping this phone call will be longer than yesterdays.
"Yeah I know", he sighs, but he doesn't say he misses me too.
"Listen, I've got to go, I'm sorry", he tells me, his voice sounding urgent.
I hear some rustling in the background and a nasally voice asks "who's that?"
Blake doesn't reply to whoever it is, instead focuses his attention on me.
"Fine", I huff, annoyed.
"I'm sorry", he repeats. It seems like lately all he does is apologise to me for everything he does wrong.
"I'm sure you are", I say sarcastically and hastily hang up the phone.
My whole world revolves around that boy, that boy who is in LA, that boy who rarely makes time for me anymore and is always making excuses as to why he can't talk. That boy who used to be sweet and caring and now just wants to be rid of me.
They say that's what the music industry does to you.
I decide to take a nap, my tears hitting the pillow before my head.
•••
My phones ringtone wakes me from my slumber and I groggily hope that it's Blake, before I realise that it's not the ringtone I have set for him.
Reece's name flashes in my eyes and I accept the call without a second thought.
"Y/n?", he speaks before I can. He sounds regretful, hurt. And apologetic.
The first thing that crosses my mind is that Blake's been in an accident. I sit up quickly, my head spinning and racing.
"Oh my god, what is it?", I ask, I'm scared and worried and thinking about a life without him before I even know what's happened.
"It's Blake", a sob escapes me before he can explain.
"We um, god how the fuck do I say this?", he sounds frustrated.
"Just tell me", I burst out.
"Well me and George found him in the bus", he pauses and my heart feels like it might burst.
"He was with a girl", Reece concludes.
The world stops spinning. The same world that revolved around him now feels poisonous.
"I'm so sorry", Reece whispers down the phone, "I had to tell you"
I try to thank him for telling me but the words catch in my throat. How do you thank someone for telling you your boyfriend cheated on you?
As Reece continuously asks if I'm okay, I stare at the wall opposite my bed, looking at all the pictures of us together and a massive sob takes hold of me. I hang up before screaming at the wall until my throats aches and my tears have finally stopped.
My phone reads just after 1am. How could he do this? How could he be this selfish? How could he take everything we had and throw it all away? How could he cheat on me?
He never called me to say sorry.
A week later Reece rang again to say that they were coming home. I should have been looking forward to the day he came home, instead I was dreading a confrontation.
Reece told me that Blake knew that I knew. Still, he never called, never apologised or made sure I was okay.
I didn't go to the airport to greet them like I usually would, instead I sat at home in an old tracksuit, still crying.
Feeling absolutely worthless, feeling like I'm not good enough, I impatiently waited.
I waited for a visit that never came.
He never even officially broke up with me, but he changed his phone number.
I guess he changed his mind too, after promising me forever.
