aurora
( trigger warning for self harm )
That night i anticipated it to be a normal one but when my eyes closed and i meant to turn my thoughts off it only felt as if i perhaps changed the volume higher for them to scream such demands in my head. the way they were at first a whisper then progressed overtime to haunting phrases. pressuring the taste of alcohol on my tongue or to purposely hurt myself.
and i tried so hard to keep staring at those damn clouds on my ceiling, the ones that were secretly a weapon to help prevent the actions that would hurt me in the end. but they were so dark now and i couldn't help but start crying. my tears being the rain that feel from those useless clouds that now caused a storm in my room filled with such hatred for myself.
my hands tried blocking them away and soon it was full on screams that escaped my lips. and my body was electrocuted with this sudden urge to do what the voices told me to do. to scavenge under my bed for the blade and the bottle of hennessy. and they both felt so good when i took swigs of the bottle quickly and i reach for the blade at the same
time hoping to get some contact before something stopped me.
"fuck aurora, no." he yelled and another sob progressed from my mouth. my brother's hands rushing to my arms to prevent anything more.
"no, just let me do it." i scream between the hiccups.
"i thought i got rid of it all." he whispers more to himself than me. "dad, come quick." he hollers and the sound of footsteps now drifting away as everyone's voice has faded out to now one big, long ring that was deadly.
their lips moved and they were intending to be speaking to me but i couldn't hear them. it was when i woke up in the morning that i realized what happened. my wrist wrapped and i'm tucked in my bed with the sun seeping through the curtains onto my right arm. "aurora get up, you're going to be late to school." my dad says from downstairs loudly so i can hear him.
i do what he says passing the mirror from the corner of my room and taking a step back to look at myself. the reflection of myself made my legs longer then they actually were and my hair possessed of such a mess. the dark circles under my eyes caused by the taste of hennessy. i couldn't stare much longer as i went to the bathroom and showered quickly and then caused the rest of my morning routine to continue as i finally got dressed. the jeans clinging to my legs and the sweater that hanged loosing on my chest with the color of maroon and the converse that were slightly dingy on my feet.
my hair went down a little passed my shoulders and the dark circles from before were covered with lightly placed makeup. i grabbed my bag and walked downstairs to grab an apple. i left without a goodbye to anyone and escaped to my car and drove to the school with the soft sound of music in the background. i hummed along to it instinctively.
i sat in the parking lot for a couple minutes in peace trying to ready myself for the day before a knock on the window brought me back to my reality. my boyfriend's smile caused a light one to be expressed on my face and i rolled down the window to talk to him. "morning love." he says and leans in to kiss me and i let him when i do the same back.
"morning." i say sweetly as he leans on the opening of the window.
"how was your night? i meant to text you but i had like three tests to study for. it was bad." he says the ending with a small chuckle and i shake my head taking my hand to cup his cheek when i'm about to speak.
"it's alright, i get it and nothing really special." i lie, only if he knew.
"okay good." he smiles and it fits so perfectly on his pretty lips. i lean in to peck him once more before it was interrupted.
