( trigger warnings for a lot of talk of self harm and alcohol addiction in this chapter )
aurora
Sunday brought the same dullness of the past hours since the party. this being the cloudiness of the sky that consisted shades of grays. the world seemed much slower and i had a chair propped up near my window gazing outside with my thoughts keeping my occupied enough. i intended not to be near my phone due to the constant reaching out of the individuals that were my friends. but mostly it was grayson.
my phone signaling his numerous texts and phone calls in attempt to reach me has caused my veins to be pumped with dejection. i had no desire for human contact and i hoped they would continue to get the message of that.
my dad has especially realized it. this was mostly because of my lack of eating or leaving the spot i was in. there were saddened features permanently stitched to my skin and because of this i craved to numb the pain so much. it was a pattern of orders to do so but i've been holding back trying to distract the need for alcohol or inflicted cuts on my body. it was difficult but staring outside for hours at a time have been helping it. the silence of it becoming my friend.
however that it is interrupted once there is a knock on my door. it then opens and i don't bother to wonder who it is as the person talks. "aurora, your friends are here again. why don't you just let them come in for at least a moment to-"
"no, dad. just tell to stop already. i don't want to see anyone." i state with a voice that is frigid due to their actions of trying to still see me. i haven't talked to none of them since the party once ethan dropped me off home. i longed for that to be for awhile as i intended to isolate myself from everyone.
i needed a lot of time and that would help me the most. "okay, sweetheart." my father mumbles and shuts the door. i am relieved hoping the inaudible tones will continue now. yet it does not when i hear noise coming from downstairs. within moments my door slams open and i finally turn my head to see madeline and vivian who stand there.
i don't want to study the way they look at me when instead i glance over to my dad who follows behind them. "i thought i said i didn't want to see them." i tell him and there is sorrow in his eyes.
"they insisted, aurora. i'm sorry, sweetheart." i don't say anything after this and go back to where i gaze out the window. "i'll let you guys talk. but i'm sorry girls as soon she really doesn't want you here, you have have to leave." he concludes and shuts the door. i hear the shuffling of feet behind me and a hand on my shoulder in process of it. it makes me flinch and move away from the contact of it.
"please don't touch me." i can feel the desolation that radiates off whoever touched me.
"aurora, please."
"no i don't want to hear it, viv. i don't want to hear anything. i don't want to talk about it. i don't want to just forget about it. and i don't want any of you here. i thought i made that very clear." i voice with tones of such anger and coldness. vivian sighs when i do.
"you did. but that doesn't make me need to listen to it. we're worried about you. after everything you could relapse and you need your friends right now at-" i scoff from her words and push my chair back to finally stand in front of the both of them. i feel weak when i do. it's due to me being in the one position for most of the past two days.
"i don't need you because i don't want you here. i don't want anyone here or for you talk to me anymore. i need time alone and away from this whole group. everything about it just reminds me of him and i need to stop thinking about it." i shout and they consist of such hurt emotions to be presented on their faces. it almost makes me withdrawal my words however i look away.
