It's You

Jung Hoseok

     "God, do they ever stop." I groan and pull a pillow over my head to drown out the sounds of sex from the other room.
      Jin laughs at me. "Let them enjoy being happy and in love. I remember..." he pauses, his smile dropping. "I remember when Joonie and I were like that." His mood drops.
      I get up and hug him. "I know. It was the same for Yoongi and I. We could do it anywhere anytime." I sigh at the happy memories. I miss Yoongi. A fucking lot. I hate how much I crave to see him. I shouldn't want to.
      He looks at me knowingly like he can read my mind. "I know. I miss Namjoon, too." He huffs.
      "This was a good idea." I say strongly, reminding him of our reasons for getting out on our own. 
      He pouts but nods. "I know. It's just hard. I miss his kisses and cuddles as much as our lovemaking."
      I rest my head on his stomach and close my eyes. Luckily they've settled down in the other room so hopefully they're done. "As much as it makes me selfish, I'm glad I'm not going through this shit alone. Does that make me a bad person?" I ask.
      "No. It makes you human and honestly I feel the same. I'm glad I have someone to talk to that understands." He smiles.
      I nod. I adjust my head to get more comfortable only to frown. I lift up and stare at his t shirt. He frowns at me. "What is it?"
       I glance at him before hesitantly lifting up his shirt. His usually flat stomach is bloated and plumper then before.
       He groans at my appraisal. "I know I'm getting fat! You don't have to make it a big deal."
       I shake my heads and carefully press down on his little belly. He grunts. His stomach is hard, not soft as expected. "You've been sick a lot recently, right? A-and you said you and Namjoon had sex not too long ago, too, right?"
      He frowns. "So what?"
      I roll my eyes. "One of our best friends is about to pop out a baby and you've never considered the fact that you, too, can maybe conceive?" I ask, impatience clear in my tone.
      He scoffs and pushes my hands away. "Please! There's no way I'm pregnant."
       I raise a brow. "Oh really? How so? Do you know for an absolute fact?" I challenge.
      "Joonie and I've had a lot of unprotected sex over the years! If it were possible I would have like five kids by now." He laughs bitterly.
      I shake my head. "Doesn't mean it's impossible. Sometimes it takes people years to actually conceive a baby. Maybe you aren't as fertile as Jimin is but look at yourself! There's no way you aren't!" I wave my hands at his little bump and he presses his own hands against it.
      As he overthinks my words, slowly his eyes widen as panic replaces humor. "Oh my god! W-what if you're right and I am!" He gasps.
      I swallow hard but say nothing.
     "Namjoon and I are broke up! I can't tell him this! He'll demand I come back or worse-be disgusted and tell me to stay away from him for good! Oh god, oh god!" He begins hyperventilating as I pull him back into my arms.
      "No! It's okay. You have me, okay. We also have Taehyung and Jimin. Everything will be fine but we have to make you a doctor's appointment to be on the safe side." I say calmly.
       He nods, holding his stomach. "God, I'm scared. I can't be pregnant! I'm not like Jimin! I don't have a loving and stable life anymore. I can't bring a baby into my life right now." He cries. "E-especially since it's that assholes." He sobs into my chest.
      I can't help but feel a little paranoid now as I think about having unprotected sex with Yoongi. Before I just didn't want any STDs but now...I'm worried for an entirely other reason.

     First thing in the morning we call and make Jin an appointment much to Jimin's delight. Of course we told them-right after embarrassing Jimin by letting him know we heard him last night.
      He smacks Tae on the chest and pouts only to the other's amusement. Pride all over his face. Jin is feeling much the opposite. Terrified and stressed. I offer to head into town and grab some things for dinner for which he happily thanks me.
      "I want to come to the doctors!" Jimin demands as Taehyung tries to get him out the door to head back to their house.
      He only leaves after Jin agrees.
     "Will you be alright by yourself until I get back?" I ask, reluctant to really leave him to his thoughts.
     He forces a smile. "Go. I'll be fine."
     "Alright. I won't be gone long, okay?" I only leave after he reassures me once more he'll be fine. I decide to walk instead of wasting gas driving. The grocery store is only a few blocks over anyway. I survey all the snacks and foods and after grabbing things to make a meal, choose some healthy snacks for Jin just in case along with a bottle of prenatal vitamins.
      I'm ringing up my things when I feel a tingling sensation, as if someone is watching me. I glance around but see nothing. Shrugging it off, I grab my bags and begin walking back to our apartment.
      I keep feeling the need to look over my shoulder but every time I see nothing. Groaning at my stupid paranoia, I pick up the pace until I spot the apartment complex.
     Smiling in relief, I start up the stairs only to hear something right behind me. I turn around fast-heart in my throat-as I see Yoongi looking up at me from the bottom of the stairs.
     I gasp, dropping the bags to clutch my chest as I nearly have a heartattack! "W-what the hell, Yoongi! You scared me to death!" I groan, sitting down on the steps to give myself a breather.
      He looks sad and repentant as he slowly moves to sit beside me. I avoid looking at him to closely, not ready to forgive him. I know if I'm forced to look at him too long I'll give in like every time.
      "I'm sorry." I can tell by his tone he's apologizing for much more than just now.
      I scoff and cross my arms over my chest. "How did you know I lived here?" I demand. Was he stalking me? I can't tell if I like that or feel creeped out. Maybe a little both.
     He licks his lips and pushes out a deep breath. "I saw you at the store and followed you. I just wanted to see you an make sure you're alright." He explains. I knew I wasn't crazy!
      "Stalking me now?" I grit out.
       He gives me a half sardonic smile. "Not like it'd be the first time." He reminds me.
       I grunt out a laugh. Yeah. Before we got together officially, he would stalk me out all the time where I worked before finally asking me out. I'd been his ever since. Until now. Until he had to ruin it all.
      I wipe my eyes as tears fill them up. "I'm fine. I'm living with Jin." I admit.
      He nods, looking up at the building. "I miss you, Hoseok. I d-don't know what came over me the last time we saw each other. I hurt you and f-forced you to have sex with me. I shouldn't have laid a finger on you. I j-just got scared. That's no excuse though." He sighs.
     The urge to reach out and comfort him is almost too tempting but I hold my ground. I have to. "You're right. You took my choice from me and that's unacceptable. I d-don't know when I'll be able to forgive you." I whisper, choking a little on a sob. It's all too real with him right in front of me. I want him back so bad it's killing me.
     "I know. I don't expect you to but will you do one thing for me?" He asks hesitantly.
      I frown. "What?"
      "Please don't shut me out of your life completely. I won't disrespect you ever again or beg you to come back but will you at least update me on your life so I know you're doing well? We've been together for too long to just cut ties. I still love and care about you. Always." He smiles and caresses my cheek, wiping off another stray tear.
      His considerate words hurt me worse than if he called me bad names and hit me. "O-okay."
       He slowly stands and settled his gaze on my hand. He clears his throat. "D-do you want me take that ring back?" He asks. I can see how strained he is asking.
     I swallow hard and clench my fist, eyeing the engagement ring on my finger. I don't want to part from it. "I w-want to keep it for now." I whisper.
      He takes a step down before nodding. "Whatever you want, Hoseokie." He smiles. I don't realize what's happening as my hands reach out to stop him from leaving me. I jerk him up to me and slam my lips against his.
     I hate him. I love him. I can't live without him. I'm not ready to forgive him but I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet.
       He wraps his arms around me and devours my mouth as desperately as I do his. He tastes so good. Familiar. Like home. Tears rush down my face as I slowly let him go and pick up my bags, running from him and my problems as fast as possible. He doesn't follow me. Just lets me go as I focus my thoughts on helping Jin.
      I don't want to think of my own issues for a while. I walk into the apartment with Yoongi's kiss still wet and tingling in my lips.