The Pack

I Miss You

I sat under an October evening sky as I strained my eyes to be able to comfortably be able to read my literature book. I loved this campus I was so glad that I'd decided to come to University of Nevada to escape the heartbreak at home. I still felt empty here but I convinced myself that feeling empty was better than watching Jacob slowly fall under the same horrible curse that had ripped Sam away from me. As the wind blew I watched as the leaves floated to the grounds. It was starting to get windy so I buttoned up my jean jacket and I noticed that the area in front of me had gotten darker. Someone was standing over me and there shadow was blocking what little light the day had left to offer. I looked up and there he was. The one person I was fighting myself daily not to think about. I willed my eyes not to water as I looked up at him.

"What are you doing here?" I said as I swallowed my emotions back.

"Because you're here and Leah I miss you." Jacob sat down beside me and I looked in his beautiful brown tired eyes.

"You have to know how not okay this is," I sighed and put my books away. "But I can't lie I missed your face." He offered me a little smile but before I could return it my mind went to work. How could he be here when Ness is in Forks? The separation was bound to be killing him. That's probably why his eyes were so red he probably couldn't sleep; he was probably worried sick about her. Yet he was here with me for reasons that were still unknown to me.

"Jake, this is really sweet but you know the reality of us. I weighed our options the only thing we would be doing is prolonging the inevitable to continue whatever this is until Ness grows up but why would I do that to myself. You need to be my friend Jake and let me go so that you won't hurt me later." Jake ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"Logically I hear you, and I agreed that would be the right thing to do that's the only reason it took me this long to come after you. Leah, you don't how much I miss you and how much I think about you. I miss your eyes, your wit, and your beautiful smile it runs through my mind every day. I just go so tired of denying myself," he confessed. "So I hopped on a plane so I see you again and I have to tell you it was worth it." He scooted towards me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "You're so worth it?" He whispered and I melted. I didn't want to argue and force logic into this moment I just want to revel in the fact that he came here for me. I drew myself closer to him as I watched the sky as the sun began to set. Jacob had saved me again by simply holding me in his arms.

After the sunset Jake walked with my back to my apartment. I lived about five minutes off campus. He stood behind me as I fumbled with my keys. I don't know why I felt nervous. It wasn't like we hadn't been together before. I assumed it was because I was still unsure about everything but it had been months since I touched him. I opened the door and cut the light on and began unbuttoning my jacket. My hands were shaking a little and it was making the task take longer than it should.

"Here let me," Jacob muttered as he started unbuttoning my jacket with ease. I could hear his intentions in the utterance of those three little words. My body responded to every syllable. I tried to sway my thoughts and control my wanting.

"So do you some tea or a Pepsi or something?" I asked as he finished unfastening my jacket.

"No," he muttered as he peeled the jacket off me and it dropped to the floor as he wrapped me in his arms and proceeded to kiss me roughly and with such built up passion. He backed me into the door and hitched my leg and wrapped it around his waist. This is why he came because I could give him something that his child bride couldn't. I didn't wanted be used. I just wished he didn't feel so good. "God, Leah I missed you baby," he whispered before planting several gentle kisses along my neck. I groaned inwardly I was going to ruin this moment.

"Are you sure you really miss me or are you just horny?" I blurted out before my libido stopped me from asking what I considered a very important question.

"What?" Jake pulled away from me just far enough for me to see the hurt in his eyes.

"You think I'd spend hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket to come here just to fuck you? You think that little of me?" He completely pulled away from and stormed into my living room and plopped down on my couch. "For your information I've been a wreck since you left. I haven't been around anyone and after a while I came to the conclusion that I wasn't where I wanted to be. I don't to be in Forks … not if you're not there."

"What about Renesmee?"

"What about her?"

"You can't deny that you miss her?" I stated and turned away from him. "You're programmed to want to be around her. How can you even function this many miles away from her? You should see how red your eyes are you're killing yourself to be here with me." I knelt in front of him and placed my hands on his knees. "In a few years your feelings for her will be stronger and you will forget about me … I can't … I can't do this with you Jake you'll just end up leaving me."

"Do you want to know why my eyes are really red? I haven't had a goodnight's sleep since you left Leah. I don't know how else to explain it to you babe. I just … you are my everything and I need to be around you more than anybody else in this world." He wiped the tears that had trailed down my cheeks with his thumbs. He pulled me into his lap and playfully kissed me all over my face. We spent the rest of the evening cuddled together on the couch sharing stories, making out, and just enjoying our connection. In the back of my mind I still viewed as bitter sweet. Jacob loved me so purely in a way that made me feel so special and lovely. I knew in less than seven years time that look in his eyes would be given to someone else and no longer be mine.